Amy: Why don't you ask me what I'm working on?
Sheldon: Oh, very well. What have you been working on? And feel free to honk during the boring parts.

Leonard: Oh, it's just nice to be with people who are happy to have me around. Isn't that right, Halley?
*Halley starts crying*
Howard: Well, at least someone had the courage to say it.

Amy: Wait, are you saying if we combine my experiment with your calculations, we can determine the precise moment in time when the wave function collapses?
Sheldon: It could be the most inspired combination since I mixed red Icee into my blue Icee. It was like drinking 2/7ths of the rainbow.
Amy: Sheldon, this is really interesting.
Sheldon: Yeah and this one won't stain my teeth purple.

Raj: It's nice to see you taking an interest in Amy's work.
Sheldon: Well, don't get me wrong. Neurobiology's nothing more than the science of gray squishy stuff. But, you know, when it connects to physics, gas up the Ford, Martha, we're going for a drive.

Bernadette: Look, Raj just gets along with women.
Leonard: I know, but he was my friend first. It's like she's stealing him and they're just having the best time doing all their dumb girly stuff together.
Howard: You sure you don't fit in? You sound like a catty bitch to me.

Amy: You know, we've never collaborated professionally before. Are you worried it might affect our relationship?
Sheldon: That is a valid point. Perhaps we should establish some ground rules.
Amy: Well, that would make me feel better.
Sheldon: All right, let's start right now. Uh, rule number one, no using sexuality to get your way.
Amy: That's a ridiculous rule.
Sheldon: Is it? (Sheldon flaunts his posterior as he walks away)

Sheldon: Number two: when we publish, my name goes first. Oh, subsequently, if we win any awards, I speak first. I don't want to be talking when the orchestra plays us off.

Penny: Okay, how is that?
Raj: I can actually feel the toxins being pulled out of my skin.
Penny: Well, this is a moisturizing mask.
Raj: Oh, well, then I can actually feel the moisture going into my skin.

Leonard: I mean, they didn't say anything, but I just kind of felt like I was being a weird third wheel.
Howard: Huh, so you can tell what that feels like. Interesting.

Amy: So, shall we get to work?
Sheldon: Biology and physics coming together. This is like the peanut butter cup of the mind. Ooh, I know what I want my treat to be.

Leonard: I mean, I'm glad they're getting along, but it's starting to make me uncomfortable.
Bernadette: Well, are you worried he's like another man in her life?
Leonard: A little, until I saw them in matching tops.

Sheldon: Can you stop breathing so loud? I can hear your nose whistling.
Amy: I can hear your face talking, so we're even.

Leonard: You know, it's nice to spend time with people who don't talk about work like it's some kind of soap opera.
Bernadette: Jennifer still trying to sleep her way to the top?
Leonard: (deflated) Yeah.

Howard: You should be happy someone wants to do the stuff with Penny you don't want to.
Bernadette: Yeah, I wish I had that with Howard.
Howard: Wait. What? What do I make you do?
Bernadette: Let's see: the magic store, the Doctor Who convention, the National Belt Buckle Collector's meet and greet.
Howard: It said right there on the invitation, "Buckle up for fun." It's not my fault you didn't listen.

Sheldon: Can you read them back?
Amy: "Revised ground rule number one: We are on the same team, but it is a competition."
Sheldon: Excellent. Excellent. And on a related point, you're going down, punk.

Amy: "Revised ground rule number two: There are definitely stupid questions. And those who ask them can be told so right to their stupid face."
Sheldon: I love that one.
Amy: Thanks, babe.

Amy: "Number three: Fair topics for insult include educational pedigree, scientific field, intellectual prowess, and mamas."
Sheldon: Yeah, that list is strong. Like your mother's urge to be promiscuous with sailors.

Sheldon: Things have been going really well with the infinite resistance gyroscope.
Amy: That's great. How so?
Sheldon: Oh, the project is classified. I can't tell you. Oh, I suppose I could redact the classified parts. All right, um, I came up with an elegant solution to the (honks horn). I used the (honks horn) And then I (honks horn) And that did it. (honks horn)

Sheldon: Yeah, I picked it up without thinking about it. Which raises a neuro-scientific question, when did I decide to pick it up?
Raj: The bigger question is, what are you gonna eat with that spoon? You didn't get any food.

Raj: Hey, can I ask you a favor? Would you mind taking Cinnamon for a walk?
Leonard: Sure. You're living here for free. I guess I owe you.

Raj: You know, downward-facing dog comes from the Sanskrit phrase adho mukha shvanasana.
Penny: Oh, that's beautiful. What does it mean?
Raj: "Downward-facing dog."
Penny: Yeah, I guess they don't have Sanskrit for "butts up and heads down."
Raj: Hey, we wrote the Kama Sutra. If it involves butts, there's a word for it.

Leonard: I thought we were getting breakfast before work.
Penny: Oh, right, sorry.
Raj: It's my fault. I asked Penny to do yoga with me.
Penny: If you want, I can get ready in five minutes.
Leonard: (chuckles) It's cute that you think that.

Leonard: Hey, Olsen twins!
Penny: What?
Leonard: Well, I mean, I'm sitting right here. You're talking about my feelings and somehow leaving me out of the conversation.

Sheldon: Well, what do you know? Here I was, waiting to be bored with biology, and instead you tickle my intellectual fancy. Which, unlike my body, is an okay place to tickle.

Sheldon: Gentlemen, the most interesting thing just happened with this spoon.
Howard: Unless it was singing "Be Our Guest," I doubt it.

Amy: You know, I like harp lessons, but I'm thinking of switching to elevator repair lessons.

Amy: Look at that.
Sheldon: Yes, this is remarkable.
Amy: So we're agreed: it's complete garbage.
Sheldon: By the way, your name can go first.

Amy: Number three. To avoid getting frustrated, we take built-in breaks and reward our successes with a small treat.
Sheldon: Ooh, that sounds fun. Now, we're talking about real treats, right? Not Bible verses like my mother used to give me.
Amy: Whatever you want.

Howard: Nice. 174 diapers. That ought to get us to Wednesday.

Bernadette: Well, have you talked to them about it?
Leonard: Well, what am I supposed to say-- "Stop having fun without me"?
Howard: This one says that every time I go out. See? I listen to you.

Penny: I bet Jennifer gets a promotion out of this, which is so unfair because I work twice as hard as she does.
Raj: Don't worry, Jerry won't be fooled by that type of behavior.
Leonard: Jerry?
Raj: It didn't work for Randy, it didn't work for Tina, it sure as hell isn't gonna work for Jennifer.
Penny: Well, I hope not. I just hate when people play those kinds of games.
Leonard: Tina?
Raj: With your sales record, you have nothing to worry about.
Penny: Mm.
Leonard: I went to your office Christmas party?

Sheldon: All right, either blow your nose or teach it to play "Camptown Races."

Sheldon: Yeah, boy, if good ideas came out of your brain the way mucus comes out of your nose, we'd be in good shape.

Leonard: I'm sure I'm overreacting.
Bernadette: You're entitled to feel how you feel. If you don't like it, you should just talk to her.
Leonard: I don't want to sound like a jealous baby.
Bernadette: Oh, then maybe you shouldn't talk to her.

Amy: We're finally making progress. I wish we could do it without fighting.
Sheldon: What if the fighting is the reason we're making progress?
Amy: I suppose it's conceivable that the hormones associated with our fight-or-flight response could be sharpening our cognitive processes.
Sheldon: Well, if that's the case, then your grandparents mumble and have bad posture.

Sheldon: It seems we have a choice to make. Abandon all ground rules in the name of science, or give up collaborating for the sake of our relationship.
Amy: There's only one clear choice.
Sheldon: Science it is.
Amy: No, you bonehead!
Sheldon: Name-calling, that is perfect. Now, when I get to this equation here, really let me have it. You know? If it helps, I'm not the sharpest dresser.

Sheldon: I believe I've made some progress on our ground rules.
Amy: Oh, good. What are they?
Sheldon: Okay, uh, number one: in matters of physics, I have the final say. In matters of neuroscience, you have the final say. Unless I disagree.

Sheldon: Like all my underwear, that notebook says "Property of Sheldon Cooper."

Amy: You know, I had a feeling you were using the wrong computational model, but I didn't say anything 'cause you're so sensitive.
Sheldon: Just because I'm easily bothered by light, heat, smell, sound, and the way birds look at me does not mean I'm sensitive.

Leonard: Anyway, I figured I can hang out with my friends and have fun too.
Bernadette: Well if your idea of fun is riding in a minivan to Target for diapers, things are about to get nuts.

Sheldon: Amy is studying the time lag between intent and awareness, and I realized that applies to the measurement problem in quantum mechanics. Now, I recognize there will be a time lag between me saying that and you Googling what it means, so I'll wait.
Leonard: I understand it, Sheldon.
Raj: Yeah, me, too.
Howard: I'm sorry, I spaced. Are we still talking about the spoon?