Penny: Hey, since when do you do laundry on a Thursday?
Sheldon: Oh, I had an accident at work, I slipped and fell on my soup sack.
Penny: You know, there was a time I would say "What's a soup sack?" But I'm glad we're past that.

Penny: You know, there was a time I would say "God bless you," and then you would say "If you must invoke an imaginary deity, how about Thor?" And I would say, "How do you know I didn't mean Thor?" And then you would say "Touche," and that there ends the tale of why I no longer say "God bless you."
Sheldon: Well, we have had some fun, haven't we?
Penny: Oh, yeah.

Stuart: Oh, thanks again for letting me use your laptop last night.
Bernadette: No problem.
Stuart: Was just doing my taxes.
Bernadette: Okay.
Stuart: Actually, if I could if I could just check one more-
Bernadette: Already cleared the browser history.
Stuart: You're a good woman.

Raj: Does this place look familiar?
Sheldon: It's hard to say.
Bartender: Hey, Sheldon's back!
Everybody: Sheldon!
Sheldon: It's getting clearer.

Sheldon: My pants are missing, I don't remember anything. Penny, this is your youth. What do I do?

Sheldon: You know, I felt the same way about the spork. Uh, solids and liquids handled by one utensil? That'll never work. Spoiler: works.

Sheldon: Yeah, I felt the same way about the platypus. You know, bird and mammal in the same creature? No way. And spoiler: way.

Amy: How can he not remember a day?
Penny: Well, people who are abducted by aliens lose time. I mean, maybe it happens to the aliens, too.

Sheldon: B.R.B. That's short for "be right back." I'm saving so much time!

Bernadette: It's okay, I'm just being emotional about this. Can you not tell Howard?
Stuart: Well, don't you think it'd be healthier if you told him what's going on with you?
Bernadette: Don't you think it'd be healthier if you had your own apartment, grown man?
Stuart: Your secret is safe with me.

Penny: Are you getting sick?
Sheldon: Of course not. I'm too busy to be sick.
Penny: Well, you're pretty delicate. Maybe you shouldn't be pushing yourself so hard.
Sheldon: I'm fine.
Penny: All right. We'll just pretend that you didn't catch a cold watching Frozen.
Sheldon: That didn't happen.
Penny: You also got a nosebleed watching Up.

Howard: Okay, here we go. Six years ago, I got a call that Bernie's great-aunt, Trixie, died.
Stuart: And?
Howard: And I forgot to give her the message.
Stuart: That's terrible.
Howard: The terrible part is, ever since then, I've been sending Bernie Christmas cards from Trixie.
Stuart: Howard!
Howard: Let me finish. And one card had five dollars in it I took from Bernie's purse.

Bartender: Here you go.
Sheldon: Oh, thank goodness!
Bartender: One top secret quantum guidance system.
Leonard: You understood the math?
Bartender: No, but Sheldon told me all about it. He told everybody.
Leonard: That's just great.
Bartender: Oh, don't worry, he made us pinky swear we'd keep it a secret.

Bernadette: Yeah, I mean, with you and my parents, she's gonna be fine.
Stuart: Ah, of course she is.
Bernadette: And that day care is great.
Stuart: It is. I went to check it out, and they are very cautious about letting strange men with no kids peek in the windows.

Sheldon: Hello.
Amy: Why did you tell Leonard you're working on the gyroscope tomorrow?
Sheldon: Because I am.
Amy: But you said you were working with me.
Penny: Uh-oh, someone's got two dates to the nerd prom.