Sheldon: Hello.
Amy: Why did you tell Leonard you're working on the gyroscope tomorrow?
Sheldon: Because I am.
Amy: But you said you were working with me.
Penny: Uh-oh, someone's got two dates to the nerd prom.

Sheldon: What? You hold my hand, you kiss my mouth, but you draw the line at 102 fever? What happened to our love?

Howard: Look, something's going on with Bernadette. She say anything to you?
Stuart: Well, nope, not a word.
Howard: Come on, be honest. Did you tell her I tried her breast pump?
Stuart: No, but I did mention it to my therapist.

Sheldon: Gentlemen, I've got Amy up and running. Shall we get to work?
Howard: Uh, before we do, what are you wearing, oh, friend who we pretend is normal?

Amy: Did you say you guys are working on the guidance system tomorrow?
Leonard: Yeah, why?
Amy: Well, Sheldon said that he was gonna work with me on our quantum perception project.
Leonard: We've had this planned for a week.
Amy: Well, he reconfirmed with me this morning.
Raj: Guys, before this gets ugly, remember, the winner gets Sheldon.

Penny: Hey, Leonard, if you're not busy tomorrow, I have to do a little reception after work.
Leonard: Oh, I would, but we need to make a push on the air force project.
Penny: Oh, are you sure? We're celebrating our new A.D.D. drug, and it'll probably be over in, like, six minutes.

Leonard: I'm sorry, what is this plan you have?
Sheldon: Well, I'm not needed at both places at the same time. And I can also free up extra hours with simple tricks, such as using a minimal amount of words to convey my point.
Leonard: When does that start?
Sheldon: Soon. See, I could've said "in the near future," but I didn't say "in the near future," 'cause "in the near future" is three more words than "soon." "In" one, "the" two, "near" three, "future" four. See "in the near future" is four, "soon" is just one, four is more than one; saving time already.

Raj: Genius. I was gonna say, "Why does anyone think Sheldon's a genius?" But I didn't.

Sheldon: Ah, I'm back, you got me for eight minutes.
Amy: Sheldon, this is silly. You can't expect us to do quality work with you popping in and out like this.
Sheldon: The coefficient isn't lambda, it's lambda sub one. And over here, you should consider the possibility that the brain itself is in two different quantum states. And lastly, do you have any little soup crackers?

Stuart: What you working on?
Bernadette: Trying to catch up on office e-mails before I go back.
Stuart: Oh, that's right, maternity leave's almost over. Are you excited?
Bernadette: Yeah, I mean, I'll miss Halley, but it'll be nice to get out of the house, be intellectually stimulated. Go out to lunch instead of, you know, (points to her breasts) being lunch.

Stuart: Uh, other than burp you or give you a bottle, I don't know what to do right now.

Howard: Hey, what's for dinner?
Bernadette: Meatloaf.
Howard: (half-heartedly) Oh, cool.
Bernadette: Stuart made it.
Howard: (upbeat) Oh, cool.

Howard: Speaking of which, for day care, it'll be easy for me to drop her off, unless you want to do it.
Bernadette: Hmm, guess it should be me.
Stuart: I can't do it; they have a picture of me on file now.

Sheldon: That's it. I'm in breach of my security clearance. I'm going to prison. And you know what happens to people like me in prison. I'll be forced to be some large man's tutor.

Raj: Wait a minute. Hey, let me see your phone.
Sheldon: Why?
Raj: Well, it's possible it was tracking everywhere you went.
Amy: Phones can do that?
Raj: Yeah, it depends on the privacy settings.
Penny: Oh, tha- that's so cool. How do you- how do you turn that thing off? (laughing nervously)
Leonard: Relax. I know when you "go for a run," you stop for a donut.
Penny: I don't even run there, I drive.