Sheldon: Do you really know how to Riverdance?
Amy: You tell me.
Sheldon: I'm the only man you do that for.

Doctor Wolcott: Yeah, I'm a married man myself.
Leonard: Oh, really? Is she here?
Howard: And alive?
Raj: And can people other than you see her?

Doctor Wolcott: Well, let me show you around. This is the chair where I do most of my thinking, my thinking about work. Now, my thinking about people who have wronged me, I do over there.
Sheldon: I've always said that I should get a grudge chair. Leonard, have I not always said that?
Leonard: Mm, you have, but you were worried you'd spend too much time in it.
Sheldon: Yeah. That is a real concern.

Sheldon: *knock knock knock* Dr. Wolcott? *knock knock knock* Dr. Wolcott? *knock knock knock* Dr. Wolcott? [sound of many locks clacking]
Howard: That's a lot of locks.
Leonard: Mm. That was a lot of knocks, they were made for each other.

Doctor Wolcott: Dr. Cooper, if you can promise me these men share your intellect and academic rigor, yeah, I suppose they can join us.
Sheldon: You guys might need to wait in the car.

Sheldon: Well, of course I'm worried about you, I want you to be safe.
Amy: And I want you to be safe.
Sheldon: I will be. I'll have my friends with me. If anything should go wrong, I can use them as human shields.

Raj: Oh, my God, this tomato is amazing! I can eat it like an apple.
Doctor Wolcott: My secret is I fertilize it with my own manure.
Howard: The look on your face.
Leonard: It's a sort of grin. You want to know what kind?

Sheldon: Oh, he's invited me to his cabin for the weekend, to discuss a breakthrough he's had.
Howard: His cabin?
Sheldon: Yes. He lives off the grid, up in the mountains.
Leonard: So you're gonna go to the middle of nowhere and spend the weekend with a crazy man you've never met?
Sheldon: Yes. Why?
Leonard: No reason. Have fun.

Sheldon: But maybe you could drop me at the bottom of the mountain. I want him to think I'm cool.

Doctor Wolcott: Dinner! Guys? I can't believe they left without saying good-bye. Wait a minute, what if they stole my work? Wait a minute! What if they were never here at all? Wait a minute! What if they haven't gotten here yet but they're on their way?! I better tidy up.

Sheldon: Thank you for bringing me up here. But I think I'm ready to go home now.
Raj: Really? You don't want to stay for dinner and talk more science?
Sheldon: No. No, we better go. I miss Amy. And my phone. [gunshot in distance] Also, I'm from Texas, and I can taste the difference between rabbit and squirrel.

Doctor Wolcott: It's a perfect marriage. We focus on our work and send each other cards every year on our birthdays. Hey, wait, what-what month is it?
Leonard: Uh, April.
Doctor Wolcott: Most years. The point is we give each other space. I give her Europe, she gives me South America. That's where she thinks I'm living.

Sheldon: So, how would this work in the context of a singularity?
Doctor Wolcott: Yes, that's-that's a tricky bit to explain. I assume you're familiar with non-abelian group theory.
Sheldon: Oh, and how. You never forget your first group theory.

Amy: This is so exciting. Can we do a body shot? I've always wanted to do a body shot. Also, what's a body shot?
Penny: It's when you take a drink out of a stranger's belly button.
Amy: Ew, no thanks. What if they have an outie? Does it just spill everywhere?

Leonard: I could spend months up here just going through his math.
Raj: I think Sheldon might.
Howard: Great. Who's gonna tell Amy we lost her fiancee to a madman in the mountains? [Howard and Raj look at Leonard]
Leonard: Hey, I drove.

Leonard: Wait a minute, are-are you saying that time has multiple dimensions, the same as space?
Doctor Wolcott: No. No, I'm not saying it, the math is saying it. Though it is the math that I invented, so, yes, I guess I am saying it.

Sheldon: Dr. Wolcott, your work on time is revolutionary.
Doctor Wolcott: I would say thank you, but, in my theory of time, you've already called my work revolutionary, I've already thanked you, and I hate repeating myself, so let's move on.

Bernadette: Hey, we can make bad decisions.
Penny: Yeah. She had two kids back-to-back and I thought you'd like this, so we're off to a good start.

Amy: What? This is my bachelorette party, tea and quilts?
Penny: Well, you said you didn't want anything crazy.
Amy: Yes, but I said it like, "I don't want anything crazy." Which clearly means I wanted something crazy. I mean, is this how boring you think I am?
Bernadette: Penny, she asked you a question.

Sheldon: So, Dr. Wolcott, in your letter, you said you had a new mathematical approach that would help me conceptualize the dimensions in string theory?
Doctor Wolcott: Uh, yes, yes, yes, yes. But before we get started, I am going to need to collect everybody's phone. Yeah.
Sheldon: Oh.
Leonard: Why?
Doctor Wolcott: Because they're little listening devices, aren't they? Yes, for people to spy on you and steal your work.
Howard: Yeah, what happened to the good old days where if someone wanted to steal your work, they had to hire a prostitute to seduce you?
Doctor Wolcott: Who told you about that?
Howard: Just making a joke.
Doctor Wolcott: Yeah, it's not funny when it happens.

Doctor Wolcott: Well, um, I don't normally allow strangers into my house.
Raj: But when you do, you-you let them out, right?

Sheldon: Do you have any mail for Dr. Sheldon Cooper?
Mailman: I do, but I can't hand it right to you. I have to put it in the box.
Sheldon: And that is what separates the U.S. Postal Service from those hippies at FedEx.

Sheldon: Okay, listen. Dr. Wolcott is a brilliant topologist. We need to set some ground rules so that you don't embarrass me. [To Howard] No magic. [To Leonard] No whining. [To Raj] You, just no.
Raj: Hey!
Leonard: Uh, how come he gets to whine?

Howard: That's great, everyone's got weekend plans. Amy has her bachelorette party, and Sheldon's gonna go to the woods and get hunted for sport.
Penny: Yeah, as someone who has to track him every time he gets lost in IKEA, I feel like I'd be really good at that.

Leonard: As Sheldon's best man, I need to inform you that this is not a bachelor party.
Sheldon: And tell them why.
Leonard: Because you're a tiresome scold.
Sheldon: No. It's because a bachelor party is typically a hedonistic blowout where no pleasures of the flesh are denied. I'm not interested in that.
Leonard: How is that not exactly what I said?

Amy: Are you sure you're gonna be okay this weekend?
Sheldon: Of course. No, I'm much more concerned about you. I know how you gals behave when the men are away.
Amy: You do?
Sheldon: I've read The Bacchae by Euripides. Drinking wine, riding panthers Proof that girls have gone wild for over 2,500 years.

Amy: Sheldon, what are you doing?
Sheldon: I am decoding Dr. Wolcott's letter using this book as the key. Aren't conversations more fun when they're in code?
Bernadette: Yes. But I'm using a code where "yes" means "no."

Leonard: Don't look at me. When the music stopped, you were holding Sheldon.

Amy: I'm sure there'll be some drinking and some dancing, and then a mailman'll probably show up and take his clothes off-
Sheldon: Nicholas is going to take his clothes off?
Amy: No, not our mailman. A dancer pretending to be a mailman.
Sheldon: Impersonating a federal employee? Oh, where's the after-party, prison?

Doctor Wolcott: Hey, where are my manners? You fellas must be hungry. Do you like rabbit?
Leonard: Yeah.
Howard: Sure.
Raj: Sounds good.
Doctor Wolcott: Okay, but can you tell the difference between rabbit and squirrel?
Leonard: No.
Howard: Don't think so.
Raj: Probably not.
Doctor Wolcott: Great! We're having rabbit. Be right back!

Amy: Leonard, you cannot drop him off. You have to stay with him and keep him safe.
Bernadette: Howard, you have to go and keep Leonard safe.
Raj: Fine. I get it, and you want me to go and keep Howard safe.
Howard: Actually, I-
Bernadette: Uh, just say yes, or he's gonna want to come to the bachelorette party.

Bernadette: [To the hot bartender] Do you do body shots?
Penny: Oh, she said she didn't want one.
Bernadette: Mind your business.

Bernadette: Amy? Amy? Should we get her home?
Penny: Why? She's sound asleep, and we have sliders coming.
Bernadette: One more round!

Bernadette: Amy can't take him, it's her bachelorette party this weekend.
Amy: Yes, it is, because (excitedly) I'm getting married!
Penny: Are you gonna be doing that all weekend?
Amy: Yes. Do you know why?
Penny: (excitedly) Because you're getting married!

Raj: You understanding any of this?
Howard: I haven't understood anything since poop tomato.

Sheldon: It is amazing how much he's accomplished by isolating himself from the distractions of day-to-day life.
Leonard: Okay, please don't tell me you want to live like this.
Sheldon: See, that's the strange thing. I don't. What is wrong with me? Why don't I want this? Look at how cool it all is.
Howard: Nothing is wrong with you. You have friends, you have a fiancee, you have a full life.

Amy: Leonard, you are not letting Sheldon go alone this weekend.
Sheldon: I am a grown man. I don't need somebody to chaperone me. I just need him to drop me off, pick me up, and pack me a sack lunch.

Penny: Well, you didn't pass out before you did all kinds of fun stuff.
Amy: What did I do?
Bernadette: What did you do? What'd she do?
Penny: Um well, you don't remember Riverdancing on top of the bar?
Amy: I did that?
Bernadette: Yeah, you did!
Penny: Mm-hmm.
Amy: But I don't know how to Riverdance.
Penny: Didn't stop you from teaching all those shirtless firemen.
Amy: I saw shirtless firemen?
Penny: Saw, smelled, slid down like a pole.
Amy: Did I flash anybody?
Bernadette: How about everybody?
Amy: I can't believe it. I'm so embarrassed. You didn't take any pictures, did you?
Bernadette: Oh, no, we would never do that to you.
Penny: Yeah, but if there were pictures, they would be crazy.
Amy: You guys are good friends.
Penny: Mmm.

Sheldon: How was your bachelorette party?
Amy: Well, I was in a bar, and I saw some shirtless men. They were firemen, and they fought over me. But Penny and Bernadette got me out of there before the victor got my spoils.

Amy: What's the matter? You look glum.
Sheldon: Amy, would you still love me if I wasn't who you thought I was? What are you talking about? Well, what if it turns out I'm not the single-minded, science-obsessed recluse who puts his work above everything and everybody else that you fell in love with?
Amy: What if I'm not the straightlaced, buttoned-up, quilting queen you thought I was? What if I'm a Riverdancing wild woman?
Sheldon: I'd still love you.
Amy: I'd still love you, too.

Raj: What is so exciting?
Sheldon: It's a letter from Dr. Wolcott. We've been corresponding about my string theory research.
Leonard: Wait. Robert Wolcott? Like Wolcott's Theorem Wolcott?
Sheldon: The very same.
Raj: Didn't he go crazy and cut off all contact with people?
Howard: Yeah, he was driven mad by a friend who kept wanting to talk about the Hulk's car insurance!

Raj: Sheldon's right. This guy, this guy's brilliant.
Howard: Yeah, I mean, he's a little kooky, but a mind that can reconceptualize time probably has a reason for keeping a jar of toenail clippings that we just don't understand.

Amy: My bachelorette party's a quilting bee! (forced chuckle)
Bernadette: Isn't it perfect?
Penny: Yeah, instead of oiled-up strippers and sex toys, we thought: what does Amy like?
Amy: (unenthusiastically) Amy likes the quilting bee.

Amy: Well, I wish I could say none of that is gonna happen, but Penny is planning it, and she is the reason I own those underwear with writing across the butt.

Bernadette: Come on, let's go somewhere we can do body shots off shirtless bartenders.
Penny: Yes.
Amy: I don't know. That might be too much.
Penny: All right, you know what, why don't we stay home, have a little wine?
Amy: What are you not getting about this?!

Sheldon: Well, just be careful, and use protection.
Amy: What do you think is gonna happen?
Sheldon: I don't know. But it's going to be sunny, and you burn easily.

Amy: So you thought that I would like quilting?
Penny: Well, don't you?
Amy: Of course I like quilting! It's the slowest way to make a blanket! But this is my bachelorette party! It's supposed to be fun and wild and full of bad decisions.

Sheldon: Hmm. I still don't get it.
Doctor Wolcott: Well, plus the numbers are letters and the letters are numbers.
Sheldon: Oh. I love him!

Sheldon: Oh, um, no offense, Dr. Wolcott, but I'm not sure this makes any sense.
Doctor Wolcott: That's because I've written it all backwards.
Sheldon: Wow. That's "wow" backwards.

Sheldon: Mailman's here!
Leonard: Aw, remember when he used to get that excited to see us?

Raj: If Bruce Banner's driving a rental car and turns into the Hulk, do you think he's covered, or does he need to add the Hulk as an additional driver?
Howard: You really need a girlfriend.

Leonard: When I said you should make a playlist for the road trip, I meant music.
Sheldon: This is better than music, this is a lecture on nonlinear time.
Raj: Sounds like it's just on regular time.
Sheldon: Yes, but I put it on shuffle.

Doctor Wolcott: Dr. Cooper. Uh, who are these people?
Sheldon: Oh, these are my friends. I wrote about them in my letter.
Doctor Wolcott: Oh, letter? I didn't get a letter.
Sheldon: Well, that's because I just sent it this morning, you know? So score one for linear time.

Amy: Okay, now, I promised Sheldon things weren't gonna get too crazy tonight. Should I be worried?
Penny: Oh, just about who you're marrying.

Raj: Well, this place is creepy.
Howard: Why?
Raj: Well, did you see his vegetable garden? Heirloom tomatoes in April. Creepy.