Sheldon: In addition, your premise is flawed. In the original film, Rod Taylor got Yvette Mimeaux with that very time machine. In Back to the Future, Marty McFly got the opportunity to hook up with his extremely attractive young mother.
Leonard: Those are movies.
Sheldon: Well, of course they're movies. Were you expecting me to come up with an example involving a real life time machine? That's absurd.

Leonard: You guys ready?
Raj: In a minute. Howard stepped outside to throw up.

Sheldon: I wonder why no-one else bid, this is a classic piece of sci-fi movie memorabilia.
Leonard: Yeah, I know, I still can't afford it.
Howard: Why don't we share it? We'll each put in two hundred bucks and we'll take turns having it in our homes.
Raj: A time share time machine? I'm in.

Sheldon: It's the same amount of work no matter how fast you go, basic physics.
Raj: Sheldon?
Sheldon: Yeah.
Raj: If my fingers ever work again, I've got a job for the middle one.

Penny: Damn, okay, Ill just take the roof.
Leonard: Hey, if you wait for us to set up the time machine, I can drop you off at work yesterday. Time travel joke. It's not ... never mind.
Sheldon: For what it's worth, I thought it was humorous.

Raj: Oh yeah. The guy who lives next to me is always like, I have a Jacuzzi on my balcony, I have a Jacuzzi on my balcony. But wait until I tell him, I've got a time machine on my balcony. Stuff that in your speedos, Jacuzzi Bob!

Raj: I still want it on my balcony. I say we move it on a bi-monthly basis.
Leonard: That sounds fair.
Sheldon: Hold on. Bi-monthly is an ambiguous term, do you mean move it every other month, or twice a month?
Raj: Twice a month.
Sheldon: Then no.
Raj: Okay, every other month.
Sheldon: No.

Leonard: Now, out of the way so I can sit in my time machine. Okay, I am setting the dials for March 10th, 1876.
Howard: Good choice, Alexander Graham Bell invents the telephone and calls out for Dr Watson.
Sheldon: Wait a minute. I want to see that too.
Leonard: So when it's your turn, you can.
Sheldon: But if we all go back to the same point in time, Bell's lab is going to get very crowded. He'll know something's up.
Raj: Also, since the time machine doesn't move in space, you'll end up in 1876 Pasadena.
Howard: And even if you can make it to Boston, what are you going to do? Knock on the door and say to Mrs. Bell, "Hey, Mrs. Bell, big fan of your husband, can I come in and watch him invent the telephone?
Raj: Mrs. Bell was deaf. Shes not even going to hear you knock.

Howard: A time machine from the movie The Time Machine?
Leonard: No, a time machine from Sophie's Choice.
Raj: Boy, Sophie could have used a time machine in that movie. Did you see it? It's rough.

Howard: It's actually a tremendous bargain, even with shipping it works out to less than four dollars a pound.
Raj: Cocktail shrimp are $12.50.

Sheldon: I don't know what you were worried about. I think it really works in the room.
Leonard: Yeah. It is by far the coolest thing I have ever owned.
Sheldon: The exact time machine that carried actor Rod Taylor from Victorian England into the post-apocalyptic future, which society had splintered into two factions: the sub-terranean Morlocks, who survived by feasting on the flesh of the gentle surface dwelling Eloy.
Howard: Talk about your chick magnets.

Sheldon: Gentlemen, I know we said we'd take turns, but I think youd agree that practicality dictates it remain here.
Howard: You can't just keep it here. What if I meet a girl and say, "you wanna come up and see my time machine, it's at my friends house," how lame is that?

Sheldon: Alright, I think we're going to need some ground rules. In addition to the expected no shoes in the time machine and no eating in the time machine, I propose that we add pants must be worn at all times in the time machine.
Leonard: Seconded.
Howard: I was going to put down a towel.

Sheldon: Oh, I have a solution. First go into the future and obtain a cloaking device.
Raj: Ooh, how far into the future?
Sheldon: If I remember correctly, Captain Kirk will steal a cloaking device from the Romulans on Stardate 5027.3, which will be January 10th 2328 by pre-federation reckoning.
Leonard: Okay, I am setting the dials for January 10th, 2328.

Penny: Okay, first of all, what you call a gap was nearly three feet wide, I slipped and skinned my knee.
Leonard: Are you okay?
Penny: Second of all, the door to the stairwell of the other building was locked, so I had to go down the fire escape which ends on the third floor, forcing me to crawl through the window of a lovely Armenian family, who insisted I stay for lunch.
Leonard: That doesn't sound too bad.
Penny: It was eight courses of lamb, and they tried to fix me up with their son.