Quotes from ‘The Consummation Deviation’

The Consummation Deviation

The Consummation Deviation
Season 12, Episode 8 - Aired November 8, 2018

After Sheldon realizes he should have a better relationship with Amy's parents, he sets out to bond with Mr. Fowler. Meanwhile, Raj and Anu decide to find out whether they're compatible in the bedroom before they marry.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: So the doctor prescribed Nizoral and it blocked enzyme action, and the fungus cleared right up.
Mrs. Fowler: That's a very disturbing picture.
Sheldon: Yes, well, they say a picture's worth a thousand words, but I say nothing beats a picture and a thousand words.
Mrs. Fowler: Still, you might want to take it off Facebook.
Sheldon: Oh, no. It's in my nature to share.

Quote from Amy

Amy: My mom thinks that Sheldon is the reason I don't spend a lot of time with her.
Penny: Well, why would she think that?
Amy: Because I told her. You need a cup of coffee? Wake up!

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: And then you ask me 20 questions to try to determine which Nobel Prize-winning physicist I am. Ready? Go.
Mrs. Fowler: Can I give up?
Sheldon: No. 19 questions left. (ringtone playing)
Mrs. Fowler: Are you gonna get that?
Sheldon: Oh, no. We're in the middle of a game. 18 questions left.
Mrs. Fowler: Answer the phone, Sheldon.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: [on the phone] Hello, Amy.
Amy: Hey, how's it going?
Sheldon: Well, Howard lured your dad away with magic, so now I'm bonding with your mom. [Mrs. Fowler stares at Sheldon] I think she likes me.

Quote from Amy

Mrs. Fowler: I'd like you a lot better if you weren't keeping my daughter away from me.
Sheldon: Uh, wh-- Hang on, Amy. What's the problem, Green Beans?
Mrs. Fowler: Amy said she couldn't come to Thanksgiving dinner because you always have to spend it with your mother.
Sheldon: I haven't spent Thanksgiving with my mother in years. Amy, why would you tell your mother that I spend Thanksgiving with my mother?
Amy: Uh, no time to talk about that now. All your action figures are on fire. Harrison Ford's in the lobby. Come quick.

Quote from Sheldon

Mrs. Fowler: And Amy never joins us for Sunday dinners because you refuse to go out on a school night.
Sheldon: I can go out on a school night as long as I'm in my PJs by 10:00.

Quote from Sheldon

Mrs. Fowler: I can't believe it. All this time I've been angry at you when I should have been angry at Amy.
Sheldon: Look at that. We're both angry at Amy. Maybe that's something we could bond over. Let me ask you this: how do you feel about Howard?
Mrs. Fowler: Oh, is he that odd little friend you have with the haircut?
Sheldon: I may have married the wrong Fowler.

Quote from Sheldon

Mrs. Fowler: I don't know about you, but I don't really like magic.
Sheldon: You just keep getting better and better.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: You're up early.
Sheldon: Huh? Yes. I wanted to get a jump on planning a day of fun for you.
Amy: Oh, that's sweet. What are we doing?
Sheldon: Oh, no. Just you. I have other plans. Now, would you prefer to see The Grinch in 2-D or 3-D?
Amy: I don't want to see it at all.
Sheldon: Well, let's go 2-D. No sense in spending extra money.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Well, you know that my mom can be well, difficult to get along with.
Sheldon: Which is why I'm starting with your dad and working my way up.
Amy: All right. I'm just worried you might have a rather unpleasant day.
Sheldon: Yeah, back at ya. I watched the trailer for The Grinch, it looks terrible.

Quote from Sheldon

Mr. Fowler: Hi, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Oh, good. You're right on time.
Amy: Hi, Daddy.
Mr. Fowler: Hey, pumpkin.
Sheldon: Pumpkin? I've been calling her spaghetti squash. It's amazing that one woman can be different vegetables to different men.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: How you feeling about it?
Raj: Uh, to be honest, I'm pretty anxious. I mean, this is the woman I'm marrying. What if it's no good? Do we break up? Do we sign on for a lifetime of mediocre sex?
Leonard: Just don't put so much pressure on it. It's always a little awkward in the beginning. I remember the first time I slept with Penny.
Raj: It was bad?
Leonard: Oh, it was awesome! I will replay it in my head until the day I die.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Well, if it helps, I was really nervous my first time with Bernie. Mostly because I was worried my mom would walk in.
Leonard: Did she?
Howard: Yea-- Yeah.

Quote from Stuart

Howard: Hey, have you checked the dates on these? They're all expired.
Stuart: You buy candy in a comic book store, you get what you get.

Sheldon: It's called Lethal Weapon, but isn't that redundant? Aren't weapons, by their very nature, lethal?
Mr. Fowler: I suppose you're right.
Sheldon: Yeah, and don't even get me started on Unsolved Mysteries.
Mr. Fowler: I didn't get you started on Lethal Weapon.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Raj, it's gonna be okay. Look, sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship.
My first time with Leonard was nothing to write home about.
Raj: Really?
Penny: Yeah, but, you know, over time it got better.
Raj: So practice makes perfect?
Penny: Well, practice makes better.

Quote from Raj

Anu: Sorry, I had to use the facilities. With a bottle of champagne?
Raj: Mm, I like to celebrate the little things in life. You need to go? There's still some left.
Anu: Raj, what is going on?
Raj: No, no, it's not what's going on, it's what's comin' off.
Anu: Stop it. You're acting weird, and it's freaking me out.
Raj: Why? Because I couldn't talk and ran in the bathroom to slug back a bottle of champagne when I pretended to pee?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Excuse me, Turnip, we need to get going.
Mr. Fowler: But-but Howard was gonna show me some close-up magic.
Sheldon: Well, if you want to see real magic, I'll take you to Union Station, home to trains, subways and buses that, every half hour - voilà - drive to the airport.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Okay, you wanted the truth, here it is.
Anu: You have a drinking problem.
Raj: No. I, uh, I have a talking problem, and a drinking solution.

Quote from Raj

Anu: If it makes you feel any better, I've got things I'm embarrassed about, too.
Raj: Really? Will you tell me one?
Anu: Okay. Um, ugh. I hate telling people this. I don't like music.
Raj: What kind of music?
Anu: Just all of it. It sort of seems like a waste of time.
Raj: Even Beyonce?
Anu: See, this is why I don't tell people.
Raj: No. Um, it's fine. It's just, have you heard "Single Ladies"?
Anu: Yeah, and I don't get it. I mean, the lyrics are "Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh."
Raj: You have to sing it in the voice of a goddess. Like: Oh, wa-ah, oh Wa-ah, oh Oh, oh, oh Wa-ah, oh. (laughs)
Anu: My point is, we both have our little eccentricities.
Raj: Little eccentricities? One is a deep-seated psychological disturbance, and the other can be solved by half a glass of chardonnay.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: So, your turn. Uh, other than Amy, have you every had anything removed from your body?
Mrs. Fowler: I am not going to answer that.
Sheldon: Smart. Save something for our next get-together.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Oh, we should commemorate this one with a selfie. Oh, look at us, two peas in a pod. Oh, speaking of vegetables, how about I start calling you Old Lady Green Beans?

Quote from Penny

Penny: So you've been using Sheldon as an excuse to get out of seeing your mother?
Amy: I know. I feel terrible. I love my mom but, you know, sometimes-
Penny: Yeah. We-We've met her.

Amy: Sheldon, don't listen to her. She doesn't know what she's talking about. She's crazy!
Mrs. Fowler: Hello, Amy.
Amy: Hello, Mother.
Mrs. Fowler: Great news. We-we can come for Thanksgiving this year.

Quote from Sheldon

Mrs. Fowler: Why would Amy feel the need to lie to me?
Amy: Well, perhaps because you're her mother and she didn't want to disappoint you.
Mrs. Fowler: Really? Even after she threw you under the bus, you're still gonna defend her.
Amy: Oh, yes. She's my wife and I love her. And if I can forgive her for putting ketchup on her eggs, I can forgive her for this.
Mrs. Fowler: Her father does that, it's disgusting.
Sheldon: Amy's crazy, you are a delight.

Quote from Raj

Anu: Last night was wonderful.
Raj: But all we did was talk.
Anu: Yeah. And it was wonderful. Am I safe to assume you talking to me now is a good sign for our marriage?
Raj: Yeah, and for my liver.

Quote from Sheldon

Mrs. Fowler: Thank you, Amy. It's so nice of you to have us over for dinner.
Amy: Couldn't think of a single reason not to.
Sheldon: Yeah, and boy, did she try.
Amy: Thank you, honey.
Sheldon: Oh, you're welcome, dear.

Quote from Raj

Sheldon: Can I feed peanuts to the elephants at your wedding?
Raj: That is such a stereotype!
Sheldon: There won't be any elephants?
Raj: Of course there'll be elephants. It's a stereotype that you feed them peanuts.

Quote from Leonard

Amy: Are you really gonna plan a wedding in three months?
Raj: Yeah, well, her family's doing most of the work. They're amazing. We talk all the time.
Sheldon: Why?
Raj: Because we're about to get married and they're gonna be my family.
Sheldon: Amy and I are married, and I never talk to her family.
Penny: Really? My parents love Leonard.
Leonard: Yeah. And my mom loves Penny, which is weird, because I never knew she could love.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: And my dad has grown to really like Howard.
Howard: Yeah, there's a nice coolness between us.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: It's fine, I'll sit on the floor.
Raj: Thank you, Penny. And, Leonard, I was kind of hoping I could sit next to Anu.
Leonard: So now I have to sit on the floor? It's my house. Why can't Sheldon sit on the floor?
Sheldon: That might be the dumbest thing you've ever said.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Guys, guys, there's a simple solution.
Raj: I am not breaking up with her.
Howard: All right. Let's keep thinking.

Quote from Amy

Sheldon: After last night, I got to thinking that I should have a better relationship with your family.
Amy: I think the one you have with them is perfect.
Sheldon: I hardly have one at all.
Amy: Which is perfect.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Oh, Amy, they're important to you, and you're important to me. Therefore, according to the transitive property, they're important to me. It's the same reason I'm interested in your big, flat feet.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: So, how does this work with in-laws? Am I supposed to be calling you Dad? Because I don't want to.
Mr. Fowler: You don't have to.
Sheldon: Oh, thanks, Larry. Ooh. That doesn't sound right. Maybe I should pick a vegetable for you.

Quote from Howard

Raj: Hey, Leonard, can you pause the game for a second?
Leonard: Uh, hang on. I'm about to beat Howard. [after Howard pauses the game] What? Hey!
Howard: He's our friend. What's up, pal?

Quote from Howard

Raj: I don't know how else to say this, but, um, Anu and I are going to have sex tonight.
Howard: Yeah!
Leonard: Do you know how creepy that sounds?
Howard: Yeah!

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: I'll tell you one thing. Lock the door.

Quote from Raj

Penny: Yeah, Raj, you're gonna be fine. Just break out some of your Kama Sutra moves.
Raj: I don't really know any of that stuff. I just pretend I do to impress women. And by the way, Anu is Indian, she's gonna know there's no sexual position called a "screeching lotus."
Bernadette: Screeching lotus?
Raj: Sometimes I get leg cramps. It's my cover story.

Quote from Raj

Penny: Look, she's probably nervous, too.
Bernadette: Yeah, what if you're great and she's bad?
Raj: How can she be bad?
Penny: Raj, women can be bad at sex, too.
Raj: (laughs) No, that's silly.

Quote from Stuart

Sheldon: All right, this is another one of my favorite places, the comic book store. Feel free to look around.
Stuart: Vintage comics in back, vintage candy right here.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: What are you guys up to?
Sheldon: Oh, father-in-law, son-in-law bonding. It's going great. Look at what he bought me at the train store. (blows whistle) Yeah, it sounded louder in the car.

Quote from Howard

Mr. Fowler: Oh, how did you do that?
Howard: Sorry, a magician never shares his secrets.
Mr. Fowler: I'll give you a hundred bucks.
Howard: Sold!
Mr. Fowler: Okay. Hey. Where's my wallet?
Howard: Voilà!

Quote from Raj

Raj: Oh, my God, oh, my God, she just texted. She's on her way up!
Penny: Raj, calm down. You got this.
Raj: Yes. Thank you, thank you. I got this.
Penny: Just remember, the most important thing is to have fun.
Raj: Stop putting so much pressure on me!

Quote from Raj

Anu: Hi. [Raj gestures as he's unable to speak] Everything okay? Why are you acting so weird? Raj? [Raj walks into the bathroom with a bottle of champagne] What's going on?
Raj: [champagne cork pops] Be right out! You look beautiful!

Quote from Howard

Howard: It's okay. Here, let me show you again.
Mr. Fowler: It's like you're actually magic.
Bernadette: You can do that but you still can't get my bra off.
Howard: The rings don't roll their eyes at me.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Oh, Anu, for most of my life, I got so nervous around women that I couldn't talk to them without alcohol.
Anu: So you've been drunk every time we've seen each other?
Raj: No. No. It hasn't happened in a long time. And I really thought I was over it, but I guess I don't know, I guess I wanted so much for tonight to go well, that I stressed myself out. It came back.
Anu: Why didn't you tell me about this before?
Raj: I was embarrassed.
Anu: I get that.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Hey, you look deep in thought.
Leonard: Ah, I'm just reflecting.
Penny: About what?
Leonard: The first time we slept together.
Penny: Oh, honey. Don't beat yourself up; it's great now.

Raj: Hey, about the other thing. Um, should we just wait for another night?
Anu: Or I go take a shower, and you decide how you want to play this. [Raj ponders] Take a shower with me, Raj.

Mr. Fowler: Watch closely. Voilà.
Amy: Oh, my gosh, that was so good. Well, look, there's fake blood, too.
Mr. Fowler: I'll be right back. [rushes to the bathroom]

Quote from Leonard

Raj: Hey, you guys have any plans for Valentine's Day?
Leonard: Three months from now? No.
Penny: What? No?
Leonard: I mean, secret romantic plans that would be ruined if I told you.
Bernadette: What's going on, Raj?
Raj: Well, how would you guys feel about going to India for my wedding?
Amy: Oh, that's so exciting!
Leonard: Penny, you will never guess what I have planned for Valentine's Day.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: Hey, guys, before Anu gets here, can I talk about the seating situation? I really don't want her to sit on the floor.
Sheldon: Oh. No problem. Bernadette, floor.
Bernadette: Hey!
Howard: Yeah, you really can't make my wife sit on the floor.
Sheldon: Fine. Howard, floor.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Oh, I am stuffed! I should not have eaten all those dumplings.
Anu: I think we should have sex.
Raj: Me, too.
Anu: Yeah, it's just, we haven't done it yet, and I think it's important to make sure we're compatible before we get married.
Raj: I totally agree. Oh, just one question. While we're doing it, can I leave my shirt on? You know, the dumplings, pretty salty.

Quote from Raj

Anu: It doesn't have to be tonight. How about this weekend? I can get us a room at my hotel.
Raj: Okay. Sounds nice. We can order a bunch of room service, because I'm not eating anything between now and then.

Quote from Raj

Anu: Are you worried?
Raj: I am not worried. If anything, I'm overconfident. Edging into smug.
Anu: I'm sure it's gonna be fine.
Raj: Oh, it's gonna be better than fine. Trust me, I've had no complaints.
Anu: Good to know.
Raj: Well, I've had questions, comments, some constructive criticism, (snorts): but no complaints.

Quote from Amy

Amy: What are you gonna be doing?
Sheldon: Being a great husband.
Amy: Yeah, you're gonna need to show your work on that.