Howard: Renaissance fairs aren't about historical accuracy, they're about taking chubby girls who work at Kinko's and lacing them up in corsets so tight their bosoms jump out and say "Howdy".
Sheldon: Bosoms would not have said "Howdy" in the 15th century. If anything, they would've said "Huzzah".
Howard: I don't care what the bosoms say, Sheldon, I just want to be part of the conversation.

Sheldon: Oh Mario, if only I could control everyone the way I control you. Hop, you little plumber. Hop, hop hop!

Penny: Well why don't you go to the movies then?
Sheldon: Because who would be there to perform the Heimlich maneuver if I choke on my popcorn?
Penny: So, don't buy popcorn.
Sheldon: No popcorn at the mo - listen to yourself!

Sheldon: You know, it's amazing how many super villains have advanced degrees. Graduate schools should do a better job of screening those people out.

Penny: Looks like you've been to the Renaissance Fair ... I'm hoping.
Sheldon: Renaissance Fair? More of a medieval-slash-Age of Enlightment-slash-any-excuse-to-wear-a-codpiece fair.

Sheldon: Worst Renaissance Fair ever!
Leonard: Please let it go, Sheldon.
Sheldon: It was rife with historical inaccuracies, for example, the tavern girl, serving flagons of mead, now her costume was obviously Germanic, but in 1487, the Bavarian purity laws, or Reinheitgebot, severely limited the availability of mead. At best, they would've had some spiced wine.
Leonard: You're nitpicking!
Sheldon: Oh, really? Well, here's another nit for you, the flagons would not have been made of polypropylene.

Leonard: Sheldon. Don't make that noise, it's disrespectful.
Sheldon: I should hope so. It was a snort of derision.

Sheldon: Bring out the Red Bull, it's time to rock Mario old school!

Sheldon: Look on the bright side.
Leonard: What's the bright side?
Sheldon: Only 9 more months to Comic-Con.

Sheldon: Of all the overrated physicists in all the labs in all the world, why does it have to be Leslie Winkle?

Leonard: I would appreciate it if you would, you know, make yourself scarce.
Sheldon: Leonard, I am a published theoretical physicist with two doctorates and an IQ which can't be accurately measured by normal tests, how much scarcer could I be?

Leonard: I've dated plenty of women. There was Joyce Kim, Leslie Winkle.
Sheldon: Notify the editors of the Oxford English Dictionary. The word plenty has been redefined to mean two.

Leslie: Anyway, I just figure it's time to slow things down and who better to slow things down with than you?
Leonard: Oh, I'm flattered. So, how do you suggest we proceed?
Leslie: Your place, we'll order Chinese, you'll rent a movie, artsy but accessible, then light petting, no coitus.
Leonard: Sounds fun.
Leslie: I'll leave the details up to you, I think it's better if you assume the male role.
Leonard: Thank you, that's very thoughtful.
Leslie: Great. Call me!

Howard: Go get yourself some rebound stress release.
Raj: Technically, it would only be rebound if he and Penny had actually engaged in physical intimacy.
Howard: You mean like you and Richard the slave girl?
Raj: I bought him dinner and we kissed once. That was it. And he told me his name was Kimberly.

Raj: (Talking about Leslie Winkle) I think she's smoking hot.
Howard: I'd hit that!
Sheldon: You'd hit particulate soil in a colloidal suspension. (Seeing Howard's confusion) Mud.

Penny: Sheldon, you are a smart guy, you must know-
Sheldon: Smart? I'd have to lose 60 IQ points to be classified as smart.

Leslie: Hey, dummy.
Sheldon: Hello to you, insufficiently intelligent person.
Leslie: Ooh, rush me to the burn unit.

Raj: What happens in costume at comic-con stays at comic-com.
Howard: You're only saying that because of what happened to you.
Leonard: What happened to you?
Raj: Nothing happened to me.
Howard: It wasn't your fault, Raj, he was dressed like a green Orion slave girl.
Raj: How did we get on me, we were mocking Leonard for not moving on, dude, you have totally not moved on.

Sheldon: I fashioned historically accurate undergarments out of linen.
Leonard: You went out and bought linen?
Sheldon: Don't be silly, I borrowed one of your pillow cases.
Leonard: Borrowed?

Sheldon: The only way she'd be able to make a contribution to science is if they resume sending chimps into space.

Sheldon: Friday's always vintage game night. Look, my mom included the memory card. We can pick up where I left off in 1999 when I had pernicious anaemia.

Sheldon: That was not fifteenth century soap. My God, these people need to learn you can't just put "ye olde" in front of anything and expect to get away with it.

Sheldon: Hello to you, insufficiently intelligent person.

Leslie: Wow. So, I heard your relationship with Penny crashed to the ground like blue ice falling out of an airplane lavatory.
Leonard: Where did you hear that?
Leslie: Actually I read it. Wolowitz texted me.
Leonard: (Reading the text) "Like blue ice falling out of an airplane lavatory." Yep.
Leslie: I thought it was a pretty good one, I gave him an L-O-L.

Leslie: Oh. So, how many children do you think we should have?
(Leonard splutters)
I'm sorry, that was a little abrupt.
Leonard: A little.
Leslie: I mean there are so many things to talk about before we discuss reproduction.
Leonard: I sure hope so.
Leslie: Besides shortness, what genetic weaknesses run in your family?

Leonard: Well, I think tonight was a very good start.
Leslie: Me too. You're sure you're okay postponing intercourse until our relationship is past the initial viability test?
Leonard: No problem, I'm very skilled at postponing intercourse. So I guess I'll call you and we'll arrange another evening.
Leslie: Yes. I believe protocol dictates that you wait a minimum of 18 hours before you call so I'm not repulsed by your cloying eagerness.
Leonard: Sure.
Leslie: Again, it's your decision, you're the man.

Leslie: Hey fellow scientists. Sheldon.

Leslie: You agree with me, right, loop quantum gravity is the future of physics.
Leonard: Sorry Leslie, I guess I prefer my space stringy not loopy.
Leslie: Well, I'm glad I found out the truth about you before this went any further.
Leonard: Truth, what truth? We're talking about untested hypotheses, uh, it's no big deal.
Leslie: Oh, it isn't, really? Tell me Leonard, how would we raise the children?

Leonard: I guess we let them wait until they're old enough and let them choose their own theory.
Leslie: We can't let them choose, Leonard, they're children!