Quotes from ‘The Jiminy Conjecture’

The Jiminy Conjecture

The Jiminy Conjecture - Season 3, Episode 2
Aired September 28, 2009.

Leonard and Penny's relationship hits a snag after an awkward first night together. Meanwhile, Sheldon and Howard go to great lengths to determine the species of a cricket for a bet they made.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: I don't like bugs, okay. They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I am not crazy, my mother had me tested.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Ooo, big talk from a man who was once treed by a chicken.

Quote from Raj

Wolowitz: Sex is never the way I dreamed it was going to be.
Raj: Because in your dreams, you're a horse from the waist down.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Howard, you know me to be a very smart man. Don't you think that if I were wrong, I'd know it?

Quote from Penny

Leonard: Why would you buy peppermint schnapps?
Penny: Because I like peppermint, and it's fun to say schnapps!

Quote from Raj

Wolowitz: I think that you and Penny had a poor night.
Leonard: It wasn't poor. It was ... just fine.
Raj: Dude, the fourth Harry Potter movie was just fine.

Quote from Howard

Howard: What's the matter, you chicken?
Sheldon: I've always found that an inappropriate slur. Chickens are not by nature at all timid. In fact, when I was young, my neighbor's chicken got loose and chased me up the big elm tree in front of our house.
Raj: Chickens can't climb trees.
Sheldon: Thank God.
Howard: Okay, I believe the chicken made you his bitch.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Excuse me. Wolverine Origin, mini series issue two, page 22, retractable bone claws. You know, if you three spent less time thinking about sex and more time concentrating on comic books, we would have much less of these embarrassing moments.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Hey Sheldon, whattcha got there a new comic book?
Sheldon: Old comic book. I just got it from the safe deposit box.
Penny: What do you have a safe deposit box for?
Sheldon: Old comic books.

Quote from Penny

Sheldon: I lost this to Wolowitz in an ill-conceived cricket wager.
Penny: What, do they have Wii Cricket now? Well, that can't be very popular.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: I bet I could throw a rock in this room and come up with three better friends!

Quote from Raj

Raj: I wonder what the non-pathetic people are doing tonight.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Could we focus on what's important here? I lost a bet to Wolowitz!

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Another carnal fiasco with the shiksi goddess.
Howard: Shiksa. Shiksa.
Sheldon: Forgive me, Yiddish was not spoken in East Texas, and if it was, it wasn't spoken for long.

Crawley: Ha-ha. Don't knock, just walk in. Why be polite to the world's leading expert on the dung beetle?

Quote from Howard

Howard: Could you look at Toby?
Crawley: Toby? What a stupid name for a cricket.
Sheldon: (To Howard) Told you.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Ethyl alcohol inhibits electrical conduction in the nerve cells and stimulates re-uptake receptors of inhibitory neurotransmitters like gamma-amino butyric acid.

Sheldon: Professor, can you identify our cricket?
Crawley: Of course I can. I can identify every insect and arachnid on the planet. Not that that's gonna keep me from having to move in with my daughter in Oxnard, and we're not talking Oxnard at the beach, No! We're talking Oxnard in the onion fields.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: All right, Sheldon, here we go, Kleingast's Field Guide to North American Insects. Hey, Toby. Right here, see it? The common field cricket, aka Gryllus assimilis, which is Latin for suck it, you lose.
Sheldon: Hang on. Voilà, the snowy tree cricket, aka Oecanthus fultoni, which is Latin for I'll suck nothing. Of course I'm joking because the Latin for that is nihil exsorbibo.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm not feeling so hot either.
Sheldon: Why would that make me feel better?
Penny: I don't know, empathy?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: That's an inexact parallel. You and Leonard can always return to being friends, whereas I can never return to a state in which Wolowitz has not bested me like Mrs. Riley's chicken.
Penny: What's Mrs. Riley's chicken?
Sheldon: A chicken that was owned by Mrs. Riley.
Penny: Okay, forget the chicken.
Sheldon: Well, I wish I could.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: You may be right about me and Leonard.
Sheldon: Of course I'm right What are the odds I'd be wrong twice in one week?
Penny: No, I mean, we can always go back to being friends.
Sheldon: I just said that. This conversation has started to circle. Meeting adjourned.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Hey. What's going on?
Sheldon: Oh, you'd like to catch up on the events of the day. All right. Well, there was a half-hour wait at the bank to get into my safe deposit box, I was forced to talk to Penny about your sexual problems, and, oh, yes, in a moment filled with biblical resonance, pride wenteth before my fall, causing my Flash 123 to goeth to Wolowitz.

Crawley: I've been studying insects since I was 8 years old. You know what they use to call me in school? Creepy Crawley!

Quote from Raj

Leonard: Nothing flamed out. We don't have to have sex every night, you know.
Howard: You don't have to, but it's highly recommended.
Raj: Yeah, take advantage of that window of opportunity before it slams shut on your little dinky.

Quote from Howard

Leonard: It's not a matter of opportunity. We're getting to know each other. There's a learning curve.
Howard: What's there to learn? You get naked, do nasty things to each other, then somebody makes scrambled eggs and salami. Easy peasy.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Perhaps what Leonard is obliquely referring to is the occurrence of some sort of sexual dysfunction.
Raj: Okay, who had Leonard gets a floppy disk?
Sheldon: Oh, a clever, albeit obsolete, euphemism for insufficient blood flow to the male sex organ.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Sheldon, dinner's here.
Sheldon: Tandoori Palace?
Leonard: No, we went somewhere new.
Sheldon: You’re good-naturedly ribbing me, aren't you?
Leonard: No, look, Mumbai Palace.
Sheldon: Why? Why would we change? We had a perfectly good palace. Tandoori Palace is our palace.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Trust me, this will be just fine.
Howard: You are the authority on just fine.
Leonard: What's that supposed to mean?
Howard: (after Raj whispers to him) Yeah, exactly. Not bad, but not great.
Penny: What are they talking about?
Leonard: I don't know.
Sheldon: I know. As I'm sure you're aware...
Leonard: Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh.
Sheldon: If that's Morse code, that's terrible.

Quote from Penny

Sheldon: As I was saying, you and Leonard had a disappointing sexual encounter. Earlier this evening, Leonard characterized it as just fine. So what you're seeing here is a continuation of the mocking that followed.
Penny: Okay. Yeah, well, I'm just gonna go eat my dinner elsewhere. Maybe an airplane headed for a mountainside.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: What did you tell them?
Leonard: Nothing bad, just that last night was fine.
Penny: Fine? You said it was fine?
Leonard: Yeah, it's a perfectly good word. You put it in front of wine or dining, and you've really got something.

Quote from Penny

Penny: It was ... okay.
Leonard: Okay?
Penny: Yeah, it's a perfectly good word. I mean, you put it in front of dokay and you really got something.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: What's that?
Howard: Sounds like a cricket.
Sheldon: Hang on. Based on the number of chirps per minute and the ambient temperature in this room, it is a snowy tree cricket.
Howard: Oh, give me a frickin' break. How could you possibly know that?
Sheldon: In 1890, Emile Dolbear determined that there was a fixed relationship between the number of chirps per minute of the snowy tree cricket and the ambient temperature. A precise relationship that is not present with ordinary field crickets.
Raj: How do you know what the exact temperature of the room is?
Sheldon: Under the terms of my roommate agreement with Leonard, I've had unilateral control of the thermostat ever since the sweaty night of '06.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: Okay, you were right about Wolverine and bone claws, but you're wrong about the cricket.
Sheldon: Howard, don't embarrass yourself, the science chirps for itself. Humorous word play.

Quote from Raj

Howard: No, no, not this time. I know insects, my friend, I spent many childhood years capturing them with nets, putting them in glass jars, sticking pins through them, mounting them on corrugated cardboard with Dymo labels underneath, identifying the genus and species. In Latin.
Raj: Oh, dude, you are never getting a shiksa goddess.

Quote from Raj

Sheldon: What was that?
Raj: My stomach. Indian food doesn't agree with me. Ironic, isn't it?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Are you bothered that I can so easily manipulate you?
Howard: Don't push me, Sheldon. I may be small, but I took kung fu when I was 13, and I remember a good deal of it.
Sheldon: Oh, really? Well, I grew up with an older brother and a very contentious twin sister and I believe I could easily best you in any physical confrontation, be it noogies, swirlies or the classic why are you hitting yourself?

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: Be careful.
Sheldon: If I were not being careful, your telling me to be careful would not make me careful.