Barry Kripke: Hey, Cooper. I hear you're going to be on the radio with Ira Flatow from Science Friday next week.
Sheldon: Thank you, Kripke, for depriving me of the opportunity to share my news with my friends.
Barry Kripke: My pleasure.
Sheldon: My thanks were not sincere.
Barry Kripke: Ah, but my pleasure is.

Sheldon: What are you talking about?
Leonard: The cultural paradigm in which people have sex after 3 dates.
Sheldon: I see. Now, are we talking date the social interaction or date the dried fruit?

Sheldon: Biologically speaking, Howard is perfectly justified in seeking out the optimum mate for the propagation of his genetic line. Howard: Thank you, Sheldon. Sheldon: And whether that propagation is in the interest of humanity is, of course, an entirely different question.

Sheldon: Are we talking "date", the social interaction or "date" the dried fruit?

Sheldon: Hello, Kripke. This classic prank comes to you from the malevolent mind of Sheldon Cooper. If you would like to see the look on your stupid face, this video is being instantly uploaded to YouTube. Oh, and a hat tip to Leonard Hofstadter and Raj Koothrappali for their support and encouragement in this enterprise.

Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard! What are you doing in there?
Howard: I'm taking a bath.
Mrs. Wolowitz: I hope that's all you're doing, we share that tub.
Howard: Don't remind me.

Leonard: What if you could make Kripke look even sillier than he made you look?
Raj: I don't think that's possible, dude.
Leonard: You're not helping.
Raj: I didn't come here to help, I came here to mock.

Penny: Why are you back from your date so early?
Howard: Well, in romance, as in show business, always leave them wanting more.
Penny: What exactly does that mean?
Leonard: He struck out.

Howard: So nice you could join me this evening, you're looking lovely as always.
Katee Sackhoff: Thanks Howard, always nice to be part of your masturbatory fantasies.

Sheldon: Thank you Kripke for depriving me of the opportunity to share my news with my friends.
Kripke: My pleasure.
Sheldon: My thank you was not sincere.
Kripke: Hmm, but my pleasure is.

Sheldon: What do you want?
Raj: We represent the Lollipop Guild and we want you!

Sheldon: (On helium) Kripke! I found the nozzle. I'm gonna kill you!

Sheldon: I refuse to sink to his level.
Raj: You can't sink, with all that helium in you, you're lucky you don't flow away.

Penny: Yo, Raj, talk to me. I'm sorry, just screwing with you.

Leonard: You know, when Sheldon gives you homework, you don't have to do it.
Raj: In fact, it's better if you don't. Otherwise, it makes the rest of us look bad.