Raj: Hey, Leonard?
Leonard: Yeah?
Raj: I haven't had sex in a year.
Leonard: Where are you going with this, Raj?
Raj: Don't flatter yourself, dude.

Leonard: Hey, where've you been?
Sheldon: I was talking with Penny.
Howard: What's wrong with you? You can't hang out with your roommate's ex. That's totally uncool.
Leonard: No, it's fine. I don't care. I'm over it.
Raj: Yeah, he's over it; that's why he's been whining all day about trying to invent that memory-wiper gizmo from Men in Black.
Sheldon: Is he making any progress? Because I'd like to erase Ben Affleck as Daredevil.
Howard: So would Ben Affleck.

Penny: So, how've you been?
Sheldon: Well, my existence is a continuum, so I've been what I am at each point in the implied time period.

Leonard: What do you want?
Sheldon: You may wanna sit down.
Leonard: I'm in bed.
Sheldon: Point taken. You may wanna sit up.

Leonard: I'm not going out tonight, Raj.
Raj: All right. Would you mind if I went to your room and downloaded some Asian pornography?
Leonard: Very much.
Raj: Doesn't have to be Asian.

Sheldon: Well then, as my meemaw would say, looks like we butchered a pig but nobody wanted bacon.

Raj: Do you believe you're going to go to hell for eating sweet and sour pork?
Wolowitz: Jews don't have hell. We have acid reflux.

Wolowitz: You said you were going for a walk.
Sheldon: I didn't say outside.

Penny: Oh, damn, they canceled my Visa. Oh, yay, a new MasterCard.

Penny:I think we can make it.
Leonard: Make what?
Penny: Make it as friends.
Leonard:Can we be friends that are having sex?
Penny: What?
Leonard: Don't worry I was just goofin' around.
*Leonard and Penny got out of Sheldon's room*
Sheldon: *dreaming* Not Goofy, no!

Sheldon: Go Team Leonard!

Penny: Ooh, I'm gonna get the cheesecake out of the fridge.
Sheldon: Oh, Lord, I'm in Jewish hell.

Howard: You're either on Team Leonard or Team Penny.
Sheldon: Which one picks last?
Howard: What?
Sheldon: Well, usually I'm on the team that picks last. Unless there's a kid in the wheelchair.

Sheldon: I didn't want to upset you. Howard made it very clear that my allegiance should be to male comrades before women who sell their bodies for money.
Leonard: Is it possible he said Bros before Hos?
Sheldon: Yes, but I rephrased it to avoid offending the hos.

Howard: Do I smell hot dogs?
Sheldon: No. I mean, I have no idea what you smell.
Howard: I definitely smell raw hot dog.
Sheldon: Perhaps you're getting a brain tumor.