Howard: Are you planning on kidnapping a woman?
Sheldon: Sarcasm?
Howard: Yes, but mixed with genuine concern.

Howard: I have a two-part question.
Sheldon: Go ahead.
Howard: A: Are you kidding? And B: Seriously, are you freaking kidding me?
Sheldon: A: I rarely kid, and B: when I do kid, you will know it by my use of the word "Bazinga".
Howard: So you're saying the two of you are going to be sleeping in the same bed?
Sheldon: Yes. Bazinga.

Sheldon: Pee for Houston, pee for Austin.
Pee for the state my heart got lost in.
And shake twice for Texas.

Sheldon: Now listen, one of the great minds of the 21st century is about to play host to one of the other great minds of the 21st century. So pay attention. Years from now, my biographer might ask you about this event.
Leonard: Oh, I have so many things to tell your biographer.

Leonard: Uh, sleep night. I mean, obviously, good night. I started to say sleep tight then I changed my mind in the middle. I swear to God, I'm smart.
Sheldon: Get it together, man.

Raj: Okay, show of hands: who's up for this?
(Howard eagerly raises his hand)
Leonard: We'll all be naked, in front of each other.
Howard (lowering his hand): I'm out.

Raj: I don't wanna sit by myself.
Sheldon: That's what Typhoid Mary said and clearly, her friends buckled.

Dr. Plimpton: Tonight, you are the delivery man, you brought soup, and uh-oh! Raj and I don't have enough money to pay you! So we'll have to come to some other kind of arrangement?
Howard: Beg your pardon?
Dr. Plimpton: You two figure out the details; I'm gonna change into something I don't mind getting ripped off my milky flesh! (goes off to change)
Howard: What the frack?
Raj: Go away. She wants New Delhi, not kosher deli. Besides, you have a girlfriend.
Howard: Yeah, we broke up weeks ago.
Raj: What? Why didn't you say anything?
Howard: I was waiting for the right time; this is a right time.

Sheldon: Good night. And if there's an apocalypse, good luck.

Penny: Oh, good, you're up. Look, my car won't start. I need a ride to work.
Sheldon: Did you once again ignore your check engine light?
Penny: No, Mr. Smarty Pants. I ignored the fill gas tank light.
Sheldon: Leonard, Penny wants to exploit any residual feelings you have for her in order to get a ride to work.

Raj: Go away. She wants New Delhi, not Kosher deli.

*Raj sneezes*
Sheldon: Hold.
Raj: What?
Sheldon: Explain your sneeze.
Raj: I'm sorry?
Sheldon: Do you have allergies?
Raj: No.
Sheldon: Is there too much pepper on your salad?
Raj: I don't put pepper on salads.
Sheldon: I've heard enough. Sit over there.

Sheldon: Vocal test. Morning vocal test. Second vocal test. Second morning vocal test.

Dr. Plimpton: Can I ask you a question Howard? Do you like role-playing games?
Howard: Yeah, sure. In fact, I'm a dungeon master.

Penny: You know what? It's none of my business. If you want to sleep with Sheldon's doctor buddy right after we stopped seeing each other, go for it.
Leonard: Well, now...
Sheldon: Excuse me. I'm uncomfortable with you recommending that Leonard pursue having intercourse with Dr. Plimpton, who I assure you has better things to do.
Penny: I'm not recommending it. I'm saying it already happened.
Sheldon: That's preposterous. Tell her, Leonard.
Leonard: Well...
Sheldon: No.
Leonard: Come on. It wasn't my fault.
Sheldon: The implication being that you somehow tripped and fell into her lady parts?