Bernadette: Boy, I don't know if I could be friends with Howie if we broke up.
Howard: Why not?
Bernadette: I'm a very vengeful person.
Howard: Really?
Bernadette: With access to weaponized smallpox.

Sheldon: I know he (Spock) wouldn't care for an outburst of human emotion, but oh goodie, oh goodie, oh goodie!

Sheldon: And now that I have some wood, I'm going to begin the erection of my settlement.

Sheldon: Does anybody have any wood? Oh, come on! I just want wood. Why are you making it so hard?

Leonard: Penny, do you have plans for dinner?
Penny: Why, you guys going somewhere?
Leonard: No, just you and me.
Penny: Have you thought this through?
Leonard: Yes, and I think we should go anyway.

Sheldon: Oh no, they sent the wrong Spock. Live long and suck it, Zachary Quinto!

Leonard: Some kind of nerd? I'm the king of nerds.
Penny: What does that mean?
Leonard: It means that if someone makes me mad, I won't help them set up their printer.

Leonard: You feel like trying something new for dinner? Maybe Indian, Tex-Mex?
Sheldon: You ever wonder how humans would be different if they evolved from lizards instead of mammals?
Leonard: Okay, let's talk about that.
Sheldon: As you know, lizards, cold-blooded animals, lack the ability to sense temperature. But they do move more sluggishly when it's cold. So, lizard weathermen would say things like, bring a sweater, it's slow outside. I love my mind.
Leonard: We all do. Now, how about dinner?
Sheldon: Oh, I would assume we'd enjoy insects or smaller lizards. We could also pull each other's tails off and grill them, they'll just grow back.

Leonard: What are you afraid of?
Penny: Well, what if we do go out and I do something stupid and dump you again.
Leonard: What if I dump you?
Penny: [Scoffs] Come on, be serious.

Leonard: How does a miserable date end in sex?
Penny: I don't know, it's complicated.
Leonard: Well, I'm a pretty smart guy and right now my brain has dibs on the blood supply so give it a go.

Raj: Did you forget what Penny did to you? It took two years and defiling my sister to turn that frown upside down.
Leonard: I didn't defile your sister, we had a relationship.
Raj: I heard you called her Brown Sugar. In my book, that's defilement.

Sheldon: Now, back to our game.
Raj: You were in the middle of an erection.
Sheldon: Oh, of course. It's right here in my hand.

Leonard: You said always. You'll always have feelings for me.
Penny: So?
Leonard: So, that sounds more like something you'd say if you didn't want a relationship with someone. This isn't working out, but I'll always have feelings for you. I'm sorry I slept with your best friend, but I'll always have feelings for you. Here's the thing, Lisa, I'm into dudes now, but I'll always have feelings for you.

Sheldon: Why would I feel safer with Zachary Quinto at the foot of my bed?
Leonard: I don't know, he was pretty bad ass on Heroes.
Sheldon: Nope. Sorry Quinto, you're going back!

Penny: You mean, like a date?
Leonard: Not like a date, a date.