Bernadette: Gosh, Amy. I'm sensing a little hostility. Is it maybe because like Sheldon's work, your sex life is also theoretical?

Howard: Are you listening to yourself?
Sheldon: I always listen to myself. It's one of the great joys of my life.

Sheldon: You know what they say. Revenge is a dish best served nude.

Sheldon: Leonard, make Howard stop being naked in my spot!

Penny: You know, I remember my first bikini wax. My sister did it with duct tape and melted Crayolas. To this day, I can't look at a box of crayons without crossing my legs.

Howard: Sheldon, some day, if you get a car, I'm sure they'll give you another parking space.
Sheldon: I don't want another parking space. I want my parking space. It's perfect. It's a corner spot, cutting the risk of door-dings in half. It's a mere 28 steps from the building entrance. The nearby tree provides shade on hot days and is also home to a delightful squirrel. Which is fortuitous because most squirrels are real jerks.

(Howard's car horn blares)
(Sheldon puts his headphones on)
Howard: Those aren't going to help you, Sheldon!
Sheldon: Oh yes, they are. I mean, what?

Sheldon: Your threats are empty. Nothing can move me.
(Howard drives his car slowly towards Sheldon, pushing his chair forward)
Sheldon: That's it! I'm calling campus security! You prepare for the scolding of your life!

Bernadette: The tow truck didn't scratch your car.
Amy: How do you know?
Bernadette: 'cause I did it!

Bernadette: More coffee?
Penny: No, Leonard's taking me to a physics lecture, and coffee'll just keep me awake.

Amy: Well, at least when we do make love, Sheldon won't be thinking about his mother. And yes, that is a cleverly veiled reference to Howard's lifelong obsession to crawl back into her spacious womb.

Sheldon: That's my parking spot.
Raj: Why do you have a parking spot? You don't have a car. You don't even drive.
Leonard: Maybe they reassigned it because you never use it.
Sheldon: Well, I'm not using my nipples either. Maybe they should reassign those.

Leonard: What are you doing?
Wolowitz: Well, he wasn't using it, and I needed some cool leather to wiggle my naked ass on.

Amy: Well, Howard's never gonna go to space again, but Sheldon will always be a genius.
Bernadette: You're right. And, I'm sure Sheldon will get a fancy parking spot again if and when he makes a worthwhile contribution to science.
Amy: If and when?

Howard: He can't handle the fact that I'm a bigger deal than he is now.
Sheldon: Oh, preposterous. I have been solely responsible for this university's six loop quantum gravity calculations, I have changed the way we think about Bose-Einsten condensates, and I am also the one who got Nutter Butters in the cafeteria vending machine. Maybe you missed that news while you were floating around like a goof in outer space.

Penny: Get away from me or I swear to God I will rip out what's left of your pubes!

Amy: I guess this is what we get for being with two testosterone-fueled alpha males. At some point, they're bound to lock horns.
Penny: I'm assuming these are some kind of horns they bought at Comic-Con?

Leonard: All right, you brought this on yourself. Sheldon, get him.
Sheldon: If a zombie bites you, you turn into a zombie. However, if a mummy bites you, all you turn into is some schmo with a mummy bite. So, like a zombie that's been eaten from the waist down, you, sir, have no leg to stand on.

Howard: (Slams his car door) Will you please talk some sense into your lunatic roommate?
Leonard: You're both acting like lunatics!

Howard: Fine, I'm taking your diploma.
Sheldon: Go ahead. That's the only doctorate you'll ever get.

Sheldon: Payback, it truly is the B word, isn't it?

Sheldon: Give me back my parking space.
Howard: You don't need a parking space. You don't have a car.
Sheldon: You don't need an Iron Man helmet. You're not Iron Man.

Howard: Well, we appear to have reached an impasse. And you know, I have to say, I thought you'd be more upset that your laptop is sitting on my junk.

Sheldon: Keep a lookout. This place is swarming with campus security. They will not hesitate to scold us.
Amy: Freaking pigs.

Leonard: Howard did go to the International Space Station.
Sheldon: Yeah, that was five weeks ago. How much longer is he gonna milk that cow?

Sheldon: Well, Howard, thank you. It's quite a gesture on your part. You've shown yourself to be the bigger man.
Howard: Thank you.
Sheldon: Which I found totally unacceptable. I must be the bigger man. Therefore, you may use my spot until such time as I learn to drive or get a Batmobile.

Sheldon: A naked man sat on it. Now, here's my concern, his diet is rich in fatty deli meats. What tests do you have to detect lipid residue?
Store owner: Lipid what?
Sheldon: Lipid residue. An anal autograph. A colon calling card, if you will.