Leonard: Sheldon's nervous about me leaving. Just keep an eye on him while I'm gone.
Penny: Oh, I don't know. Remember what happened when I took care of your goldfish?
Leonard: Well, flush Sheldon down the toilet and get me a new one.

Raj: Okay, I have a request to make.
Amy: And now he can talk. I want to cut open your brain and see what the heck is going on in there.

Bernadette: You know, one of the things that helped me get through Howard being in space for so long was getting married before he left.
Penny: Bernadette, sweetie, shut up.

Sheldon: Leonard, you're being selfish. We need to give you a proper send-off so we'll have closure when you die at sea and crabs eat your face.

Amy: Excuse me, but I'm a neurobiologist. I think I'm a little more qualified to understand what's not working in your girlfriend's brain.

Sheldon: It did not kill me when you went to space. Monkeys went to space.

Raj: If you wear something brown and sit on the couch, they won't even know you're there.

Raj: I'm unlovable.
Penny: It's just the booze talking.
Raj: I haven't had a drink since last night.
Penny: You're talking to me!
Raj: I am! Now I'm crying for a whole different reason.
Penny: Me too.

Sheldon: Who would win in a fight, you or a shark?

Penny: Oh gosh. Sheldon, the genius, is jealous of Leonard.
Sheldon: I'm not jealous. I'm just very unhappy that good things are happening for him and not happening for me.

Raj: So, anyway, last night on video chat, I spent like twenty minutes just staring into Lucy's eyes.
Leonard: Oh, that sounds romantic.
Raj: It was, until I realized the screen had frozen. Still one of my top three dates of all time.

Sheldon: Yeah, I used to be uncomfortable around people, but then I learned a trick. I pretend everyone I meet is a beloved character from Star Trek.
Howard: How's that been working for you?
Sheldon: Oh, like a charm, unnamed crewman in a red shirt.

Penny: So then during the afternoon shift, I spilled an entire tray of drinks on myself.
Leonard: Oh, that's awful.
Penny: Not really. My shirt was soaking wet. I got like the biggest tip of my life.

Penny: Aren't they afraid Hawking will just roll overboard?
Leonard: Uh, he's not gonna be there. He's just sending a team to research his theory.
Penny: Oh, sure. Like when you send me to kill spiders in your bathtub.

Sheldon: Don't worry, officer. They just love each other. We're not smuggling drugs.