Bernadette: You know, one of the things that helped me get through Howard being in space for so long was getting married before he left.
Penny: Bernadette, sweetie, shut up.

Bernadette: I had a plan. I kept leaving Dove bar wrappers around to explain any weight gain.
Amy: Where did you get empty Dove bar wrappers?
Bernadette: From all the Dove bars I ate! I'm pregnant! Try to keep up!

Stuart: Oh, so she's good enough for Howard but not for me?
Howard: Yeah.
Bernadette: Yeah. Go have weird relationships with your own mother and cousin. This is his turf.

Leonard: You don't go into science for the money.
Bernadette: Speak for yourself. Last month my company both invented and cured restless eye syndrome. Ka-ching, ya blinky chumps!

Leonard: Sheldon's nervous about me leaving. Just keep an eye on him while I'm gone.
Penny: Oh, I don't know. Remember what happened when I took care of your goldfish?
Leonard: Well, flush Sheldon down the toilet and get me a new one.

Raj: Okay, I have a request to make.
Amy: And now he can talk. I want to cut open your brain and see what the heck is going on in there.

Sheldon: Leonard, you're being selfish. We need to give you a proper send-off so we'll have closure when you die at sea and crabs eat your face.