Lucy: I'm kinda seeing someone.
Raj: I think I know the answer to this, but just to be clear. It's not me, right?

Raj: What is wrong with you, Penny? You ruined any chance I had of getting back with Lucy. Now she knows I'm a desperate mess instead of being pretty sure.
Raj: *Checks his phone* It's Lucy. She wants to meet for coffee. I LOVE YOU PENNY!

Sheldon: First, talking to you while you're on the toilet isn't exactly a picnic for me either. Remember, when you can hear me, I can hear you.

Howard: He has so little self respect and is so desperate for the smallest crumb of affection, she could literally sleep with his own father in his own bed and post the video to YouTube, and he'd still buy her flowers and ask her to be his bride.
Raj: He's right. But in my defense, if we could survive that, we could survive anything.

Sheldon: Gentlemen, please. Leonard is trying to walk a mile in my metaphorical shoes. He can't walk in my actual shoes, he has the feet of a toddler.

Sheldon: How are those nipples feeling, chief?

Leonard: Look at me! *Pulls up his sweater to reveal a rash*
Penny: Oh my god. Is that sweater made of bees?