Howard: He has so little self respect and is so desperate for the smallest crumb of affection, she could literally sleep with his own father in his own bed and post the video to YouTube, and he'd still buy her flowers and ask her to be his bride.
Raj: He's right. But in my defense, if we could survive that, we could survive anything.

Raj: Amy, good luck getting these guys excited about a dinner with a theme. I gave up when no one cared about my Tom Hanks-Giving.

Raj: Oh man, first monster I see I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand and shoot my magic all over his ass!
Stuart: Do you hear yourself when you say these things?

Raj: Doesn't anyone have a rod of resurrection? Because if you've got one, I need it bad. Get in here with your rod and give it to me.
Stuart: Okay, you need to say these things in your head before you say them out loud.

Leonard: If I take it off, Sheldon wins.
Penny: Sweetie, every night you don't kill him in his sleep, he wins.

Penny: If you guys were hungry, why didn't you order something at the restaurant?
Bernadette: We did. You never brought it.
Penny: Oh, that's right. Nachos and a turkey club.
Amy: Not even close.
Penny: Well, I was too busy standing up for my friend to worry about your ... I want to say salmon.
Amy: You want to say sorry.

Howard: So you can never take it (the sweater) off?
Leonard: No.
Raj: Not even to sleep?
Leonard: No.
Howard: So you're just an idiot?
Leonard: It's called proving a point.
Howard: Is the point you're an idiot?