Raj: [to Amy] If you were having Sheldon's baby, would you really want him in the room?
Penny: Yeah, if he's in the room when they're making the baby, I'll give you $10.

Howard: I've never done this before, it's kinda fun.
Raj: Yeah, if your mom could see her little Bar Mitzvah boy, she'd have a heart attack.
Bernadette: Good idea. I'll take a picture.

Amy: Did you hold the baby?
Sheldon: I did.
Amy: And how did it make you feel?
Sheldon: Looking into the blank, innocent eyes of a creature that couldn't begin to comprehend anything I was saying ... basically another day at the office.

Raj: You know, many people believe home births are better because the mother's in a warm, comfortable environment where she can be nurtured by loved ones.
Sheldon: And turn the bedroom floor into an amniotic slip 'n slide.

Sheldon: This is no way to make new humans. People coming out of people. Like some dirty magic show.

Amy: You wouldn't be dating Penny.
Leonard: You don't know that. I've been going to the Cheesecake Factory for years. I could have picked her up.
*Everybody laughs*
Penny: Oh, you weren't joking?

Amy: I missed you.
Sheldon: To quote Han Solo, "I know."
Amy: Did you miss me?
Sheldon: I would have preferred to have you there with me.
Amy: Aww.
Sheldon: Or instead of me.

Leonard: Uhh, umm. I'm Leonard.
Penny: Really? You don't sound so sure.
Leonard: No, I am me.

Penny: Do you ever imagine what that would be would be like, not being born?
Leonard: *Sheldon's knock* What do you think? *Sheldon's knock* What do you think? *Sheldon's knock* What do you think?

Sheldon: She chose to have a home birth. Because she wants to live in the stone age, and a cave wasn't available.

Sheldon: I've seen things. Lady things.
Amy: Listen to me. That is not the way they usually look!

Leonard: Hey, Sheldon sent us all an email. "Happy Holidays from Texas", and there's pictures. *Looks at his phone* Aww, do not open them. Do not open them!
Penny: Oh come on, childbirth is a natural, beautiful - Urgh, it's like someone sawed a cow in half.
Raj: My father is a gynaecologist, I think I can handle it. *Looks at his phone* And ... now I'm gay.

Amy: (Talking about "It's A Wonderful Life") It's great. It's Christmas time, and Jimmy Stewart's really depressed and he's gonna jump off a bridge and kill himself.
Stuart: Don't need to see it, living it!

Bernadette: So how come you two (Leonard & Raj) didn't move in together?
Leonard: This guy wanted a place of his own because he was sure he was going to be a ladies' man.
Raj: Yeah, I was wrong.

Sheldon: The second I go out of town, you throw a Christmas party without me?
Amy: Yeah, kinda.
Sheldon: That's so thoughtful. You guys are the best.

Zack: Hey, babe.
Penny: Hey. Did you remember to pay the rent?
Zack: Better. I used the money to buy these magic beans.

Howard: I lived with her to save money.
Raj: Yeah, you didn't need to buy groceries because you were breast feeding.

Raj: At least Leonard, Howard and I would have always been friends.
Bernadette: Hey, how come you three never got an apartment together?
Leonard: We talked about it, but Howard was in a pretty serious relationship ... with his mom.

Leonard: He made you his screensaver.
Amy: Oh, wow. I had no idea. He is so into me!

Penny: Hey, you guys ready to order or do you need a few minutes?
Leonard: *mumbles*
Penny: Few minutes it is.

Leonard: All right, here's the deal. Sheldon is gone so the tree decorating rules are out the window.
Penny: Which means we don't have to use his ridiculous ornament spacing template.
Leonard: And I'm happy to report its Kickstarter campaign is holding steady at $0.

Penny: Aww, that's great. You're going to be an uncle. Uncle Sheldon.
Sheldon: No, I will be Uncle Dr. Cooper.

Amy: You make jokes about Sheldon but if it weren't for him, I don't think any of us would be sitting in in this room right now.
Howard: Really? Sheldon not being here is the main reason I'm in this room.

Zack: Aw, babe, I peed myself.
Penny: Me, too.

Mary Cooper: Sheldon Lee Cooper, you get back in this room right now. And bring a mop!
Sheldon: Did you hear that? A mop! I've got two PHDs yet somehow I'm the janitor of my sister's birth canal.

Stuart: Hello. Oh good, I'm glad you guys didn't wait for me to start. Although you said seven and it's seven. It's fine!

Sheldon: Well, she's due to tomorrow. But it did take her six years to finish high school, so who knows.

Sheldon: I never told you about my brother's kidney stones. Do you want hear about everything that comes out of my family's genitals?

Amy: I'm just really glad you're back.
Sheldon: Me too. I've got a lot of TV to catch up on.

Raj: So Star Trek and Star Wars characters can go on the same branch?
Leonard: I know, it's crazy. Welcome to the Thunderdome, people!

Penny: Doing laundry?
Sheldon: Of course I'm doing laundry. Saturday night is laundry night and I'm in a laundry room, so I believe your inference is justified.
Penny: Oh, "My inference is justified", Sheldon you are so funny!

Amy: Here's another one. Penny, if it weren't for Sheldon, you never would have met comic book legend Stan Lee.
Penny: Great.