Penny: Thank you, I needed to hear that. Why can't Leonard understand it?
Sheldon: Because he's not like us, Penny. We're dreamers!
Penny: Yeah, I need to start cracking the window when I leave you in the car.

Bernadette: Hey, Stuart.
Stuart: *startled* Hey.
Bernadette: Sorry, did I startle you?
Stuart: Yes, but at this point pretty much any customer does.

Jesse: You're back.
Bernadette: *Angry voice* Yes, I am. There's a few more things I want to say to you. Stuart's store is just fine. And he's a much nicer person than you are. And if you still have that comic I'd like to buy it right now.
Jesse: No problem. Want a latte while you wait?
Bernadette: No, I don't want a latte. I want a cappuccino and a blueberry scone.
Jesse: I only have chocolate chip.
Bernadette: Well that sounds even better!

Sheldon: Where's my lemonade?
Penny: I didn't get it.
Sheldon: A fitting swan song to your career as a waitress to forget my order one last time.

Bernadette: I accidentally destroyed one of Howard's comic books this morning and I was hoping I could replace it.
Stuart: What happened?
Bernadette: Batman got his ass kicked by my curling iron.
Stuart: Don't let the Riddler know that. It's a comic book joke.
*Bernadette stares blankly*
Stuart: Or maybe it's not.

Sheldon: Come on, take me to work with you.
Leonard: No, you're on vacation.
Sheldon: Please! What if there's a big break through in science today and I'm not there to see it?
Leonard: You really think there's going to be a breakthrough without you to do it?
Sheldon: No. I was just tricking you.

Howard: You know if you'd rather skip lunch and hang out with your boyfriend, Bert. It's totally okay.
Amy: He's not my boyfriend.
Raj: Are you sure? He's tall, pale and awkward. That sounds like your type.

Leonard: How did she get you to do yoga?
Sheldon: Well, to be honest I thought she said Yoda.

Stuart: You know something, Jesse. You may have a successful business and the kind of pink complexion that comes with good nutrition, but I have something more important.
Jesse: What's that?
Stuart: Friendship ... which I would trade in a heartbeat for all this.

Jesse: How about you, Stu? Mocha, scone, directions to the nearest soup kitchen?
Bernadette: Hey!
Jesse: I'm just kidding. He knows where this soup kitchen is.

Sheldon: I've read that there are great yogis who have such mastery over their bodies that they can draw water in through their genitals.
Penny: Yeah, well I don't think we're gonna get to do that today.
Sheldon: Too bad. It seems like a good way to drink a milkshake without getting brain freeze.

Sheldon: I'm going to go inside, put on my cosiest pajamas, curl up with a good book and wait for this nightmare to be over.

Amy: (To Raj) Should somebody as lonely as you really be making fun of me?
Raj: Yeah, grow up, Howard! God.

Amy: So what am I supposed to do now?
Raj: Prepare your uterus for his gigantic offspring?

Amy: That's very nice, but I have a boyfriend.
Bert: That's what they all say. You just don't want to go out with me because I have an off-putting personality.
Amy: No, that's not true. My boyfriend has an off-putting personality, too. Like way worse than you.

Howard: Anybody home?
Amy: Hey. What brings you guys here?
Raj: We were just on our way to lunch and wanted to see if you'd like to join us.
Amy: Why? Because Sheldon's not here this week and you don't think I have any other options -- I'm just kidding! I'll get my purse.

Stuart: I haven't seen this many people in my store since that Korean Church bus crashed through my window.

Raj: So we tell him she's a lesbian?
Howard: Of course we tell him she's a lesbian.

Bert: Thanks for coming to the mineral and rock show with me.
Raj: We're sorry Amy didn't want to go.
Howard: Really, really sorry.

Howard: Mineral and rock show? That would be awful even without Bert.

Bert: You know what, uh, geologists and Bon Jovi have in common?
Howard: You're both into rock?
Bert: Yeah.

Bert: This is awkward. You thought I was going to ask you to go with me to the rock and mineral show.
Amy: Weren't you?
Bert: Yeah.

Jesse: Hey, Stuart. I haven't seen you in forever. Look how grey you've gotten.
Stuart: My hair's exactly the same color as always.
Jesse: No, I was talking about your skin.

Sheldon: When I decided I was going to be a physicist, I didn't take some other job in case it didn't work. Which wasn't easy, because there was a lot of pressure from Ms. Pearson to be chalk monitor that year.

Raj: Do you support this?
Leonard: Of course I do. She's a great actress. I'm proud she's taking this risk.
Amy: That's nice.
Leonard: You bought that!? Great! I gotta call her before I forget how I said it.

Bert: You know what geologists and Bon Jovi have in common?
Howard: They're both into rock?
Bert: Yeah.

Leonard: Look, if you want to break up just say it.
Penny: Leonard ...
Leonard: No, I take it back, don't say. Just hate me but stay wiht me. It worked for my parents.

Amy: Hello, Mr. Rat Brain. Not so bitey without the rest of the rat to back us up, are we?

Raj: And does Sheldon know you're dating Sheldon?
Amy: (To Raj) I'm sorry, who are you dating?
Raj: Yeah, knock it off, Howard.

Sheldon: Where is this going? Are you two ever getting married? And if so, where will we all live? Have you thought about that?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Penny?
Penny: Okay, wait, what are we doing?
Leonard: For some reason we're planning a future where we both live with Sheldon for ever.

Sheldon: Oh, this again. So Penny proposed, you didn't say yes, and now you think you may have lost her love forever. How does this compare to me being forced to relax for a few days?
Leonard: It doesn't!
Sheldon: Thank you.

Penny: Great, because I've been thinking if I really want this acting thing to work, I need to focus all my energy on it. And to do that, I should quit waitressing at the Cheesecake Factory.
Leonard: Wow, that's a big step.
Penny: I know.
Leonard: So before making any rash decisions.
Penny: I already quit.
Leonard: And I support you!

Leonard: Oh, okay. Good, good. So it's cool if I cry a little?
Penny: Yeah, I probably wouldn't.
Leonard: Yeah ... *wipes tears from his right eye*.

Bert: So, anyway, there's this big, uh, rock and mineral show next week in Santa Monica.
Amy: Listen, um, Bert, before you say anything else, I- I have a boyfriend.
Bert: Oh. This is awkward. You thought I was gonna ask you to go with me to the mineral show.
Amy: Weren't you?
Bert: Yeah.

Amy: That's very nice of you, but I do have a boyfriend.
Bert: That's what you all say. You just don't want to go out with me because I have an off-putting personality.
Amy: No, that's not true. My boyfriend has an off-putting personality, too. Like, way worse than you.
Bert: Don't worry. I'm used to it. I mean, I'm big and weird and funny-looking and no one ever wants to do anything with me.

Bert: It's okay. I know I'm a monster.
Amy: No, Bert, come on. I'd love to go to the mineral show with you.
Bert: Sweet. It's a date. (Leaves Amy's office)
Amy: No, it's not.
Bert: Too late!

Bert: Thanks for coming to the mineral and rock show with me.
Raj: We’re sorry Amy didn't want to go.
Howard: Really, really sorry.
Bert: Eh. Who needs her when I have you guys? Rock show! Rock show! Rock show! Rock show! Rock show! Rock show! Rock sho-o-o-o-ow!