Sheldon: Amy, you told me you were sick. But you look as pale and tired as always.

Penny: You know what, maybe I need a break from all of you. Come on, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Where are we going?
Penny: We're going to have Anything Can Happen Thursdays, you're going to tell me all about your science stuff and I'm going to complain about my movie, and we're going to support each other because that's what friends do.
Sheldon: Okay. Because if I had to pick now, I'd probably go with dark matter-
Penny: Shut. Up.

Penny: Hey, maybe the answer to your career question is in one of these.
Sheldon: Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that's solves life's problems and that's an Oreo. Or a nutterbutter if you're in a pinch.

Penny: Fine, I'll go. *Reads fortune cookie* "People turn to you for guidance and wisdom." Hey, that's a good one.
Sheldon: No, it's not.
Penny: How's it not good?
Sheldon: Turn to you for wisdom? Clearly that cookie is mocking you. ... You'd never hear that sass from a nutterbutter.

Sheldon: If I wanted to waste my time on nonsense, I'd follow Leonard on Instagram.

Leonard: You and I never hang out like this. Why is that?
Amy: I know, it's weird, right?
Leonard: Yeah, we should do it more often.
Amy: Oh, no. I mean this is weird right now.

Leonard: It's Penny.
Amy: Is she mad?
Leonard: It doesn't seem like it. She got Sheldon to go to a psychic with her.
Amy: A psychic? He considers them not only mumbo-jumbo, but extra jumbo mumbo-jumbo.

Leonard: Well, Penny can be very persuasive. She's gotten me to do a lot of things I wouldn't normally do.
Amy: Because she has sex with you.
Leonard: Yeah, she does.

Leonard: It took him a long time to get comfortable around me, too.
Amy: Really? What did you do?
Leonard: Something terrible in a former life? I don't know.

Sheldon: You know what this is? And I reserve this word for those instances when it's truly reserved. This is malarkey.

Penny: Wow, you really struck a nerve. I've never heard him use the M-word before.

Raj: You're a good friend. I'll owe you one.
Mrs. Wolowitz (off-screen): Howard, help me get out of the tub!
*Howard looks at Raj*
Raj: Not that one!

Leonard: Great. What do you want to do?
Sheldon: I don't know. What do you want to do?
Penny: I don't know. What do you want to do?
Leonard: I'm starting to remember the problem with Anything Can Happen Thursdays.

Psychic: Your spirit guides are telling me there's a woman in your life you're having problems with.
Sheldon: That's an easy guess. I'm clearly an annoying person. I have trouble with both genders.
Psychic: Yes, you clearly are.

Penny: Come on. Anything can happen. We could push him down the stairs!