Amy: Well, I just think she wants you to do well and she's worried you won't because you were just a stunningly bad waitress.
Penny: That is not true.
Amy: I'm still waiting on my mini corndogs from two years ago.
Penny: I told you, they'll be right out.

Howard: Guess what, engineers are just as smart as physicists.
Sheldon: Oh! You take that back!

Sheldon: Amy, please. I am trying to find a way to intellectually emasculate a dear friend of mine.

Amy: Hey, girlfriend. Can I get a what what?
Penny: What?
Amy: Close enough. I was just calling to see what you were up to tonight. I thought maybe we could head up Color Me Mine, maybe sneak in some Pinot Gris- what evs.

Sheldon: The answer is cuddly soldiers with big flat noses. Moving on.

Raj: Oh, you bought cookies?
Sheldon: Yes, fig newtons. I was going to ask which scientist both helped to discover calculus and had a famous cookie named after him. And then after someone said Newton, I was going to tell them they're wrong. The cookies are named after a town in Massachusetts. And then I'd throw the cookies away.

Amy: The important thing is I am here for you so we can mutually disparage this unpleasing third party.

Howard: Sheldon, I'm more than smart enough to take your class.
Sheldon: *Laughs* No.

Sheldon: I'm sensing awkwardness. Am I right?
Amy: Yes.
Sheldon: Swish.

Penny: So you want me to be a teacher's pet?
Bernadette: Couldn't hurt.
Leonard: I don't know. Who here has ever been hurt because they were the teacher's pet?
*Sheldon, Amy, Howard, Leonard and Raj raise their hands*