Howard: I'm sorry I didn't take you to the airport. I just want you to know I'll never forgive myself for being so selfish. And I promise to keep you close for the rest of my life.
Bernadette: Oh, no, that thing's gonna end up in my bedroom.

Bernadette: You better find my husband's mother, 'cause one way or another we're walking out of this airport with a dead woman.

Penny: Do you want to stop? I know you have trouble with eye contact.
Sheldon: Well, you have a brown fleck in your right iris that looks like a Formula 1 race car, so I'm just concentrating on that. Plus it's easier around people I'm comfortable with.
Penny: Oh, sweetie, I'm comfortable around you, too.
Sheldon: Of course you are. I'm warm and soothing. I'm like a human bowl of tomato soup.

Amy: I just read about an experiment designed to see if you can make two people fall in love in a matter of hours.
Leonard: That doesn't sound right. My research has shown it takes three to five years of shameless begging.
Penny: Honey, neither of us comes off good in that story.

Sheldon: You may not be as academically inclined as are we. Yes, that's how you say it. But you possess an intelligence I envy, which leads me to my answer. I would choose the ability to read people's minds.

Sheldon: If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Penny: Well, not to steal from the bible, but turning water into wine sounds pretty good.

Howard: Your entire job is to find lost luggage and you've narrowed down the location of my mother to the planet Earth?

Sheldon: Oh, I know, the person I'd most like to have dinner with is myself.
Penny: You sure that's your choice, because I've had that dinner.
Sheldon: Well, I haven't. And although they say never meet your heroes, I just don't see how I could disappoint.

Penny: Just thinking about the day I met you and Leonard.
Sheldon: It was a Monday afternoon. You joined us for Indian food.
Penny: Can you believe it's been eight years?
Sheldon: And you're still eating our food.

Penny: You're okay with an experiment where you have to answer awkward questions about your innermost feelings?
Sheldon: Yes.
Penny: Please can I do it with him, please.

Sheldon: I think it's safe to say you're not in love with me and I'm not in love with you. And psychology has once again proved itself the doofus of the sciences.

Howard: Are you kidding me? You lost my mother's ashes?
Airline worker: No, I'm just saying that sometimes bags are misrouted.
Howard: All right, where did you misroute the only woman who ever loved me? The first woman - I meant first.

Raj: Given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you want as a dinner guest?
Leonard: I can honestly say Penny.
Amy: Aww, then I choose a janitor, because I'm about to throw up.

Sheldon: Just out of curiosity, Penny, if this experiment does make us fall in love, would you drive me to Lake Geneva, Wisconsin, for Gary-Con. It's the only convention celebrating the life and work of Gary Gygax, the co-creator of Dungeons and Dragons.
Penny: You know what, I can honestly say if we fall in love, not only will I drive you there, I will buy you all the dragon t-shirts you want.
Sheldon: Okay, babe, let's do this.

Penny: If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone?
Sheldon: So it would be today? Huh. Well, I suppose there's something satisfying about dying on my birthday.
Penny: Today's your birthday?
Sheldon: Yes.
Penny: Well that's always been a secret. Not even Amy knows.
Sheldon: Well, I don't enjoy presents. And the thought of people jumping out and yelling surprise fills me with more dread than the words "George Lucas Director's Cut.

Emily: There's one downtown where they trap you in a room with a zombie.
Raj: Oh, so kinda like what's happening with Penny right now.

Leonard: We spent $200 on six minutes of fun.
Raj: It's like when we bought that remote-controlled helicopter and it just flew away.

Penny: Raj, would you ever try an experiment like that with Emily?
Raj: I don't need science to win her heart, I have my family's wealth for that.

Penny: Wow, I just felt this wave of emotion for you.
Sheldon: You sure it's not too much bible juice?
Penny: And the wave is gone.

Sheldon: Given our new found intimacy, I'd say we have some hard choices to make.
Penny: Like what?
Sheldon: Gary Con. Do we fly or drive? Do we wear costumes? And if so, who gets to be Gary?

Raj: Okay, let's hope one of the clues is written on a pair of clean underwear.

Penny: Well, I can't read people's minds. Actually, that's not true, I can read men's minds, but only because it's usually the one thing.
Sheldon: When are we going to get robot eyes.
Penny: You're all alike.

Leonard: Ladies,
Emily: Are you being polite or scared?
Leonard: Yep.

Penny: What's yours?
Sheldon: I wake up. I enjoy some french toast with butter and syrup. Then a wormhole opens and whisks me millions of years into the future, where my towering intellect is used to save the last remnants of mankind from a predatory alien race.
Penny: Interesting you didn't mention Amy.
Sheldon: Who do you think made the french toast and syrup?

Sheldon: What would constitute a perfect day for you?
Penny: Well, I'd probably sleep in. Do a little yoga. Then lie on the beach while cute cabana boys brought me drinks, and probably get a massage. Then probably cap off the night with some dancing.
Sheldon: That's it?
Penny: Yeah, why?
Sheldon: You didn't mention Leonard.
Penny: He's there.
Sheldon: I don't think so. Leonard can't stand yoga, the beach, massages or dancing.
Penny: Yeah, well, he brought a book.

Sheldon: As much as I'd love to meet Euclid, inventor of the geometric proof, he probably wore sandals and I can not look at toes during dinner.

Sheldon: As a Texas gentleman, I'm inclined to say ladies first. Although, I'm concerned that level of politeness and charm may make you fall in love with me before the test even begins.

Raj: I don't believe in tempting fate. Same reason I wouldn't use a ouiji board or pick a fight with an Asian guy. Probably doesn't know karate, but why risk it?

Sheldon: We're scientists, we can conduct our own research. I propose that we imprison two street people-
Amy: No.
Sheldon: You didn't even let me finish.
Amy: Forget it.
Sheldon: Oh, so you can experiment on all the apes you want, but I want to manipulate the emotions of two captive human beings, suddenly I'm the monster.

Sheldon: Oh, that's nonsense. I proclaimed my love for you. And the last time I looked in your eyes was when you thought you had conjunctivitis.
Amy: Other than the fact I had it, that was a magical night.

Penny: That's so funny. I never would have pegged you for a Pisces.
Sheldon: You're making it difficult to love you right now.

Penny: I meant more like a little brother.
Sheldon: Oh. Well, I suppose I do think of you like a sister. And sometimes a mother.
Penny: It's getting creepy again.

Sheldon: Who would you choose?
Penny: Robert Downey, Jr.
Sheldon: Oh. I didn't think of Iron Man. You know, maybe after myself and I have dinner, we could meet you two for dessert.

Penny: This is kind of creepy.
Sheldon: We're not supposed to talk during this part.
Penny: Sorry.
Sheldon: This is kind of creepy.