Howard: Are you kidding me? You lost my mother's ashes?
Airline worker: No, I'm just saying that sometimes bags are misrouted.
Howard: All right, where did you misroute the only woman who ever loved me? The first woman - I meant first.

Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Howard: I invented a game. Want to play?
Leonard: Sure.
Howard: It's called Emily or Cinnamon. I give you actual quotes I've heard Raj say, and you guess if he was talking to his girlfriend or his dog.

Bernadette: Does your mother call you every day at work to see if you had a healthy lunch?
Howard: My mother calls me every day at work to see if I had a healthy bowel movement.

Bernadette: You better find my husband's mother, 'cause one way or another we're walking out of this airport with a dead woman.

Howard: I'm sorry I didn't take you to the airport. I just want you to know I'll never forgive myself for being so selfish. And I promise to keep you close for the rest of my life.
Bernadette: Oh, no, that thing's gonna end up in my bedroom.

Amy: I just read about an experiment designed to see if you can make two people fall in love in a matter of hours.
Leonard: That doesn't sound right. My research has shown it takes three to five years of shameless begging.
Penny: Honey, neither of us comes off good in that story.