Quotes from ‘The Graduation Transmission’
![]()
The Graduation Transmission Leonard is set to give the commencement address at his former high school, but a canceled flight threatens to prevent him from giving the speech. Meanwhile, Howard's engineering skills are tested as he and Sheldon attempt to fix Raj's toy helicopter, while Raj plays his parents against each other after his father cuts him off financially. |
Quote from Leonard
Leonard: My point is, while you're spending all this time on your own, building computers or practicing your cello, what you're really doing is becoming interesting. When people finally do notice you, they're gonna find someone a lot cooler than they thought. And for those of you that were popular in high school, it's over, sorry. Thank you. Congratulations.
Quote from Leonard
Leonard: So, for the remainder of my speech, this is for the invisible kids. Maybe you never fit in. Or maybe you were the smallest kid in the school. Or the heaviest. Or the weirdest. Maybe you're graduating and you still haven't even had your first kiss. By the way, nineteen, and Geraldine Coco, wherever you are, thank you. Maybe you don't have any friends, and guess what, that's okay. While all the popular kids are off doing whatever - I don't know what they're doing because I was never there.
Quote from Howard
Howard: All right, playtime's over. Let's open this baby up.
Sheldon: Won't that void the warranty?
Howard: Sheldon, I have a master's degree in engineering. I wipe my bottom with warranties. Except for AppleCare. That pays for itself in the long run.
Quote from Sheldon
Leonard: I'll take my chances.
Sheldon: Fine. I wonder if they make "I told you so" cards in Braille.
Quote from Howard
Sheldon: So, can you get it working?
Howard: I'm an MIT-trained engineer. I've built components for the space station.
Sheldon: I thought the zero-gravity toilet didn't work.
Howard: It worked fine. It just wasn't designed for Russian cosmonauts and their potato-ba
Quote from Raj
Bernadette: Ready to call tech support?
Howard: Give me the number. Probably wind up talking to some foreign guy who's reading from the same manual I have.
*Raj's phone rings. Sheldon, Howard, and Bernadette stare at him in shock*
Raj: It's my father, you jerks.
Quote from Sheldon
Tech Support: Tech Support. Can I help you?
Sheldon: Yes, it's a robot uprising! Call the police!
Quote from Sheldon
Raj: I have to return the helicopter. My father-- What did you do?!
Sheldon: Don't worry. He went to MIT. He can solve any problem. As long as it doesn't originate in a Russian man's colon.
Quote from Raj
Bernadette: Why don't you just call tech support?
Sheldon: Hey!
Howard: Whoa!
Raj: Not cool!
Bernadette: What?
Howard: There's two kinds of people in this world. Those who call tech support and those who make fun of the people who call tech support.
Quote from Bernadette
Howard: All right, the power supply is reconnected. I think we're back in business. Let's just run a few tests before we take it outside. Sheldon, we got WiFi?
Sheldon: Check.
Howard: GPS?
Raj: Check.
Howard: Battery charged?
Sheldon: Check.
Bernadette: Four hours of our lives gone? Check.
Quote from Sheldon
Howard: All right. All systems go. In five...
Boys: ...four, three, two, one.
*An electrical crackle is heard and smoke comes out of the drone*
Sheldon: That's what my train used to do.
Quote from Sheldon
Howard: Okay, the WiFi extender is on, the camera's on, they're both on the same network. We should be getting an image.
Sheldon: All I see is a black screen, and my own reflection. I look sad.
Quote from Leonard
Leonard: Well, I'm excited to show you around.
Penny: You think we'll have time to visit your mom over there?
Leonard: Yes. We'll also have time to put my junk in a garlic press, but I'm not doing that either.
Quote from Leonard
Penny: Sweetie, you know you're supposed to wear clothes under a graduation gown?
Leonard: A. Surprised you know that. B. I wanted to look like a sexy graduate for you.
Quote from Sheldon
Amy: Leonard, have you ever given a high school commencement speech before?
Leonard: No. It's pretty exciting.
Sheldon: Aren't you afraid of being blinded?
Leonard: How would I be blinded?
Sheldon: At the end of the ceremony, all the students throw those pointed hats in the air. It's all "Pomp and Circumstance" until someone loses an eye.
Quote from Leonard
Leonard: I worked hard on that speech, too.
Penny: Oh. You could tell it to me.
Leonard: Oh, thank you, but I'm okay.
Penny: Are you sure? I could pretend I'm a high school cheerleader who can't control herself around esteemed alumni.
Leonard: Greetings, distinguished cheerleaders.
Penny: Ooh!
Quote from Penny
Leonard: How'd you get ready so fast?
Penny: Oh, I packed light. Once I got through an entire spring break with nothing but a long T-shirt and a belt.
Leonard: Why'd you need a belt?
Penny: It's called an evening look.
Quote from Howard
Sheldon: Boy, oh, boy, that's a lot of pieces. You know what they all do, right?
Howard: Yes, of course.
Sheldon: What about this one? *holds up a mini logic circuit*
Howard: Well, I... How familiar are you with miniaturized integrated logic circuits?
Sheldon: Not very.
Howard: That right there is a miniaturized integrated logic circuit.
Quote from Penny
Penny: You're gonna be on Skype. They're not gonna see your legs.
Leonard: Well, I'm gonna go put on some pants just in case. But, I have to say, this is very freeing.
Penny: Add a belt and I'll take you some place nice.
Quote from Mrs. Koothrappali
Raj: Hello, mommy.
Mrs.Koothrappali: Hello, Rajesh. What a nice surprise.
Raj: Well, I've been thinking about you. Are you happy, mommy?
Mrs.Koothrappali: Such a sweet boy for asking. I can't believe you come from the poison seed of your father.
Quote from Sheldon
Leonard: So you really think they liked it?
Penny: Oh, sweetie, it was the best speech I--
*Drone comes through the door, knocking Penny and Leonard off their feet*
Sheldon: Don't worry, everyone in here is safe.
Quote from Penny
Leonard: Okay, we should leave in about an hour. You all packed?
Penny: Uh, yeah, I just need to throw in a few last-minute things. You know, makeup, underwear, clothes.
Quote from Raj
Raj: I'm so lucky I take after you.
Dr. Koothrappali: You think you take after me?
Raj: Well, I try to. I certainly wouldn't be a scientist if you hadn't been my role model.
*to Sheldon, Howard and Bernadette after talking to his dad*
Who wants to go to Vegas in a real helicopter?!
Quote from Raj
Bernadette: I call tech support all the time.
Howard: You call tech support!
Sheldon: Ha-ha!
Raj: What a baby!
Quote from Sheldon
Raj: You guys don't have to go to the trouble. I'm back in the money now. I can just buy another helicopter.
Howard: It's not about the money. It's about solving a problem. It's why I became an engineer. It's what I like to do, it's what I'm trained to do. It's who I am.
Sheldon: Oh, look at you, the little engineer that could.
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: Sorry. Ah, maybe it's for the best. I hear locomotive smoke is the second leading cause of death among train aficionados.
Raj: What's the first one?
Howard: Suicide.
Sheldon: Wrong. Obesity.
Quote from Raj
Raj: Anyway, speaking of Daddy. I had a very strange conversation with him. He said he couldn't afford to send me money any more because of his active social life.
Mrs. Koothrappali: What does that mean, "active social life"?
Raj: Well, let's not talk about him or whatever shenanigans he may or may not be up to. Let's talk about you.
Quote from Raj
Dr. Koothrappali: Are you still dating that dermatologist?
Raj: If you could feel how soft my skin is, you wouldn't have to ask.
Quote from Sheldon
Bernadette: Well, now you get to go back as a successful scientist.
Amy: With a beautiful girl on your arm.
Sheldon: And a pointy hat sticking out of your eyeball.
Quote from Leonard
Amy: I think it's really nice that you're sharing this experience with Penny.
Leonard: I thought it'd be fun to show her my old stomping grounds. I even know the exact spot where they used to stomp me.
Quote from Sheldon
Howard: Just flip the switch until the lights on the drone change to solid yellow.
Sheldon: All right, that seems simple enough. Initiating calibration sequence. *flips switch rapidly* One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. *lights on drone turn solid yellow* Well, I suppose ten is technically "at least ten." But they're still getting at least one angry letter.
Quote from Sheldon
Howard: Now I rotate it horizontally on its center axis until the lights turn green.
Sheldon: Initiating rotation sequence. Don't look at me. Initiate.
Quote from Raj
Raj: The problem with commencement speeches is that they're boring. Ooh, do you own a T-shirt cannon?
Howard: Why would he own a T-shirt cannon?
Raj: I don't know. Why do I own one?
Quote from Howard
Raj: It's like the best one they make, I just can't get it to work.
Howard: I'll figure it out.
Raj: It streams HD videos straight your phone when it's flying.
Howard: Nice. Where were you when I was single?
Quote from Raj
Dr. Koothrappali: Oh, and there's something else I wanted to ask you. Why did you spend a month's rent on a toy helicopter?!
Raj: Oh, you're where that bill goes.
Quote from Raj
Dr. Koothrappali: I'm tired of indulging your foolish lifest
Raj: No, Daddy, no! There are lots of other ways to teach me responsibility. I know, you can give me an egg and make me take care of it for a week.
Quote from Raj
Dr. Koothrappali: No, my mind is made up. Starting now, you're on your own.
Raj: But, Daddy, I miss my family so much, and with you and Mummy getting a divorce, I feel sad and empty. Buying a little toy every now and then helps me fill that void. So while I can't hug you every day, flying that helicopter really makes--
Dr. Koothrappali: I'm cutting you off.
Raj: Just to be clear, financially or mid-sentence?
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: We did it! Oh! God, if it's this much fun to rotate, imagine when we fly it.
Quote from Leonard
Penny: Hi.
Leonard: Hey, where'd you go?
Penny: I got you a little something to cheer you up.
Leonard: Really? Sex last night, pancakes this morning-- am I dying?
Quote from Leonard
Penny: I called your old high school and convinced them to let you give your speech over Skype.
Leonard: Really? That's amazing. And you gave me the robes to give it in. Thank you.
Penny: Yeah, now about those, uh, they came from a costume shop, and all they had left was sexy graduate, so they might be a little short.
Leonard: Short and sexy, that's my wheelhouse.
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: You can't return it. Howard wiped his bottom with the warranty.
Raj: What?
Sheldon: I think me
Quote from Sheldon
Howard: Step one, rapidly flip the calibration switch from the fully up to the fully down positions for at least ten times.
Sheldon: It actually says "at least"?
Howard: Yeah.
Sheldon: Why would they say "at least"? Is it 10 toggles? Is it 100 toggles? Is it 1,000 toggles? 10,000 toggles? 100,000 toggles?
Howard: Sheldon!
Sheldon: You see where I'm going with this.
Quote from Raj
Mrs. Koothrappali: Rajesh, is your father seeing someone?
Raj: All I know, Mummy, is that he's a single wealthy doctor, and now, for some reason, there's no money for your little boy.
Quote from Raj
Raj: Hello, Daddy.
Dr. Koothrappali: What did you say to your mother?
Raj: Nothing. I was just calling to check in, make sure she's doing okay.
Dr. Koothrappali: Well, after talking to you, she seems to think I'm some sort of playboy.
Raj: Really? I don't know where she'd get an idea like that.
Quote from Mrs. Koothrappali
Mrs. Koothrapalli: Hello, Rajesh. What a nice surprise.
Raj: Well, I've been thinking about you. How are you doing? Are you happy, Mummy?
Mrs. Koothrapalli: Such a sweet boy for asking. Cant believe you come from the poison seed of your father.
Quote from Penny
Penny: Oh, hello. Hi. I didn't know he was going to point it at me, so don't do drugs and stay in school.
Leonard: They're graduating.
Penny: Okay, bye!
Quote from Leonard
Penny: I've never been to New Jersey before.
Leonard: It gets a bad rap from shows like Jersey Shore and Real Housewives.
Penny: So it's not really like that?
Leonard: No, it's like that.
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: If your bathroom floor counts as a carry-on, you're packed.
Quote from Sheldon
Howard: What happened to me? When did I become an old man baffled by modern technology? Next thing you know, I'll be hitching my pants up to my armpits and complaining about the awful music the kids are listening to.
Sheldon: It is awful, isn't it? Listen to that noise.
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: What does red and yellow mean?
Howard: It means the calibration failed. We have to start over.
Sheldon: Oh. Very well. Reinitiating calibration sequence. *flips switch rapidly* One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten... *lights on drone don't turn solid yellow* eleven. It's a good thing I didn't send that letter.
Quote from Raj
Mrs. Koothrappali: Well, however much money your father was giving you, I'll give you more.
Raj: Thank you, Mummy! I love you! *to Sheldon and Howard* Helicopters for everybody!