Raj: Hello, mommy.
Mrs.Koothrappali: Hello, Rajesh. What a nice surprise.
Raj: Well, I've been thinking about you. Are you happy, mommy?
Mrs.Koothrappali: Such a sweet boy for asking. I can't believe you come from the poison seed of your father.

Dr. Koothrappali: Well, if you're not coming out, why did you call us during the cricket semi-finals?
Raj: 'Cause I, I'm tired of trying to meet someone and, I think I'd like you to help me find uh, a wife.
Mrs. Koothrappali: And just to clarify, a female wife?

Mrs. Koothrappali: Please tell me you're not dating an American. I knew this would happen. Rajesh, are you letting your sister date that little Howard boy?

Raj: I don't care! And why don't you think I can find a woman for myself?
Mrs. Koothrappali: Because you're twenty-seven, and the closest thing we have to a daughter-in-law is that Jewish boy Howard.

Leonard: My point is, while you're spending all this time on your own, building computers or practicing your cello, what you're really doing is becoming interesting. When people finally do notice you, they're gonna find someone a lot cooler than they thought. And for those of you that were popular in high school, it's over, sorry. Thank you. Congratulations.

Leonard: So, for the remainder of my speech, this is for the invisible kids. Maybe you never fit in. Or maybe you were the smallest kid in the school. Or the heaviest. Or the weirdest. Maybe you're graduating and you still haven't even had your first kiss. By the way, nineteen, and Geraldine Coco, wherever you are, thank you. Maybe you don't have any friends, and guess what, that's okay. While all the popular kids are off doing whatever - I don't know what they're doing because I was never there.

Howard: All right, playtime's over. Let's open this baby up.
Sheldon: Won't that void the warranty?
Howard: Sheldon, I have a master's degree in engineering. I wipe my bottom with warranties. Except for AppleCare. That pays for itself in the long run.