Raj: Shut your ass!

Sheldon: If you don't mind, I'd like to stop listening to you and start talking.

Sheldon: I must say, Amy, pretending to have intercourse with you has given me a great deal of satisfaction.

Sheldon: Doctor Greene, question?
Dr. Greene: Yes?
Sheldon: You've dedicated your life's work to educate the general populous about complex scientific ideas.
Dr. Greene: Yes, in part.
Sheldon: Have you ever considered trying to do something useful? Perhaps reading to the elderly?
Dr. Greene: Excuse me?
Sheldon: Yeah, but not your books. Something they might enjoy. I kid of course, big fan.

Raj: It's amazing what liquor does to guilt.

Leonard: Did you hear about Howard and Bernadette?
Penny: Of course I heard about it, how did you hear about it?
Leonard: I heard it from Sheldon, he got it from Amy.
Penny: Damn it! I told Amy that in the strictest of confidence. Boy some people are such blabbermouths. Well whatever, I'm sure Bernadette can do better.
Leonard: Do you think a sexually ambivalent Indian astrophysicist with selected mutism and alcohol issues is better than a 100lb Jewish guy who lives with his mom?
Penny: You are kidding! Raj likes Bernadette?
Leonard: I didn't say Raj, who said Raj?
Penny: Okay give, how do you know? Did he tell you?
Leonard: No
Penny: Well then who?
Leonard: I can't say
Penny: Priya told you, oh what a little gossip. Ya know, not an attractive quality in a woman Leonard. Not judging, just my opinion.
Leonard: Well the point is if this got out it would destroy Howard and Raj's friendship.
Penny: You don't have to worry, unlike Amy and Priya, I know how to keep a secret.
Leonard: You're the one who told Amy in the first place.
Penny: In confidence.

Sheldon: Interesting! So it went beyond the mere fact of coitus to a blow by blow account, as it were.
Amy: Pun intended?
Sheldon: I'm sorry, what pun?

Leonard: Hope you're hungry.
Sheldon: Interesting. A friendly sentiment in this country, a cruel taunt in the Sudan.

Sheldon: That's going to make me a chick magnet and I'm so busy as it is.

Howard: Oh great it's my cousin David about the ring. Hey David what'd you find? Sure half a carat is fine. Her freakishly small hands make anything look big. It's one of the reasons I love her.

Amy: We need to fabricate a tantalising piece of gossip.
Sheldon: And a second non-tantalising piece to use as a control.
Amy: Then we'll track its progress through our social group and interpret the results through the competing academic prisms of mimetic theory, algebraic gossip and epidemiology.
Sheldon: Look at you, getting me to engage in the Social Sciences. You're a vixen, Amy Farrah Fowler.

Sheldon: Perhaps your talk of my sexual prowess renewed her faith in love.

Sheldon: Leonard, the people at Nintendo can only go so far in helping us recreate an actual athletic experience. We have to do our part too.

Sheldon: What an elf I would've made.

Amy: The meme has reached full penetration.
Sheldon: Pun intended?
Amy: No. Happy accident.

Sheldon: I'm no stanger to mimetic epidemiology. At Johnson Elementary school, the phrase Shelly Cooper's a smelly pooper spread like wildfire.
Amy: I should think so, that's gold.

<>strong>Priya: *Recalling Raj's poetry* Oh Bernadette, please play my clarinet.

Mrs. Koothrappali: Please tell me you're not dating an American. I knew this would happen. Rajesh, are you letting your sister date that little Howard boy?

Dr. Koothrappali: Now, hold on. If she is dating an American, that's not a bad way to go. He's Jewish. Those chaps are very successful, and they don't drink a lot.

Raj: Hello, Mummy. Hello, Daddy. How are you?
Mrs. Koothrappali: We're very rich in a very poor country. So, all in all, can't complain.