Howard: Oh great it's my cousin David about the ring. Hey David what'd you find? Sure half a carat is fine. Her freakishly small hands make anything look big. It's one of the reasons I love her.

Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Howard: I invented a game. Want to play?
Leonard: Sure.
Howard: It's called Emily or Cinnamon. I give you actual quotes I've heard Raj say, and you guess if he was talking to his girlfriend or his dog.

Bernadette: Does your mother call you every day at work to see if you had a healthy lunch?
Howard: My mother calls me every day at work to see if I had a healthy bowel movement.

Raj: Shut your ass!

Raj: It's amazing what liquor does to guilt.

Sheldon: If you don't mind, I'd like to stop listening to you and start talking.