Bernadette: What's all this?
Howard: Well, we missed our date night, and Stuart's working again, so I thought we could have a date night here at home.
Bernadette: Aw, that's so sweet.
Howard: Oh. So is that really what you're wearing to our date night?
Bernadette: Well, Stuart's not here and the kids are sleeping. I could wear nothing.
Howard: You might want to hold off on that, we're starting with soup.

Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Howard: So you can never take it (the sweater) off?
Leonard: No.
Raj: Not even to sleep?
Leonard: No.
Howard: So you're just an idiot?
Leonard: It's called proving a point.
Howard: Is the point you're an idiot?

Bernadette: Maybe we should get one of those machines to help her up the stairs.
Howard: You mean a fork lift?

Stuart: Listen to this. I-I was ringing up a customer, and I heard someone say, "Hey, there's a line," and I looked, and there was.

Stuart: Oh, look at that. Neil Gaiman tweeted about my store!
Howard: What did he say? Uh, "Next time you're in Pasadena, check out The Comic Center. Great vibe, old school, the owner really knows his stuff." Isn't that amazing?
Sheldon: Well, uh, it's no Sandman, but I guess we can't expect everything he writes to be a masterpiece.

Sheldon: Can you see Mercury? Can you see it?
Raj: One second.
Amy: You know, the Greek version of Mercury, Hermes, was worshipped in Athens by the carving of giant wooden phalluses.
Sheldon: Please, Amy, get your mind out of the ancient Athenian gutter.