Howard: Hey. Missed you guys at the faculty mixer.
Raj: Ah, you should have been there; dessert was bananas. Sorry, that was misleading. The dessert was pie, but the pie was bananas. Actually, the pie was cherry, but the taste of the pie was bananas.

Raj: Oh man, first monster I see I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand and shoot my magic all over his ass!
Stuart: Do you hear yourself when you say these things?

Raj: Amy, good luck getting these guys excited about a dinner with a theme. I gave up when no one cared about my Tom Hanks-Giving.

Penny: What do you mean new roommate? What happened to Leonard?
Sheldon: The same thing that happened to Homo Erectus. He was replaced by a superior species.
Raj: I'm the new homo in town.

Sheldon: Wow! You look beautiful.
Amy: Really? 'Cause I was gonna return it.
Sheldon: Why would you return it? You look like a pile of swans.

Penny: What if you asked for $20 million?
Sheldon: I'm sorry, I'm trying to do science, not hire Lady Gaga to come to my birthday.
Penny: Do you even know who Lady Gaga is?
Sheldon: Presumably, the wife of Lord Gaga.

Sheldon: But I need it. It's the only way to settle the contradictions between gravity and quantum mechanics.
Penny: Well, it's too much money, you can't ask for that all at once.
Sheldon: Well, what if I ask for it in six easy installments of $83,333,333.33?