Mrs. Wolowitz: Who's there? Are you a sex criminal?
Howard: Sex criminals don't have key, ma!
Mrs. Wolowitz: Where were you so late?
Howard: I was out with Bernadette
Mrs. Wolowitz: I know what that means, I watch Dr. Phil. I hope to God you used a condom.
Howard: I am not having this conversation with you, ma.
Mrs. Wolowitz: God forbid you get one of them fancy sex diseases.
Howard: Nobody has a disease!
Mrs. Wolowitz:I hope not. I share a toilet with you. Is that what you want, to give your mother herpes?

Mrs. Wolowitz I'm not going near that fakakta thing. I'll catch a computer virus.
Howard: You can't catch a computer virus.
Mrs. Wolowitz Oh, so now you're an astronaut and a doctor?

Mrs. Wolowitz Howard, there's a blonde girl, Patsy, here to see you.
Howard: Who?
Mrs. Wolowitz Okay, now she's saying it's Penny.

Mrs. Wolowitz It's this dress. When I put my front in, my back pops out. When I put my back in, my front pops out. It's like trying to keep two dogs in a bathtub.
Sheldon: What do you want me to do?
Mrs. Wolowitz We're gonna have to work as a team. Get in here, grab a handful and start stuffing.

Amy: So, you feeling better?
Penny: Not really.
Amy: Sheldon, you have a guest who's upset.
Sheldon: I'll make tea.
Penny: Sweetie, it's OK. I don't want tea.
Sheldon: It's not optional.

Sheldon: Priya, if you're experiencing any tension or awkwardness, it may stem from the fact that Leonard and Penny used to, if I might quote Howard, "Do the dance with no pants".

Amy: Thanks to you, I just made a rhesus monkey cry like a disgraced televangelist.