Leonard: How was ladies' night?
Penny: It was fun. Amy got drunk and kept telling us that Sheldon's chest is smooth like a porpoise.
Leonard: Well, it does squeak when you touch it.

Leonard: What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis?
Sheldon: Screwed?
Leonard: There you go.

Sheldon: This song is never going to stop. Have you ever dealt with something so relentlessly irritating?
Leonard: That's a trick question, right?

Leonard: My point is, while you're spending all this time on your own, building computers or practicing your cello, what you're really doing is becoming interesting. When people finally do notice you, they're gonna find someone a lot cooler than they thought. And for those of you that were popular in high school, it's over, sorry. Thank you. Congratulations.

Bernadette: This is so great. Why don't we do it more often?
Amy: Because you have two kids, I have Sheldon, and Penny's apparently in the gym all the time, 'cause damn, look at her!
Bernadette: Yeah, so impressive how you manage to bounce back after having no babies.
Penny: Ah, another reason why we don't do this more often.

Penny: Thank you, but you shouldn't have spent so much.
Zack: Nah. It's cool. I sold my company for a boatload of money. And then I bought a boat. Then I got married. Guess where.
Amy: On your boat?
Zack: No, but that would've been awesome!

Penny: Did-did you send this over?
Zack: I did. I asked for the most expensive one they have. They said it was $200, and I said I want a more expensive one. And then, they said it was $300.
Amy: But it-it was the same-
Penny: Don't.