Dr. Koothrappali: Well, that's not going to be our story. Our story is that she's a liar. And-and old. An old, dirty liar.
Raj: Oh, no. She's-she's actually great. I'm the one who screwed up.
Dr. Koothrappali: Well, don't say that to them. She's bad. You're good. They have to pay me back for my wedding deposits.
Raj: (sighs) This is all my fault. I should have I should have just trusted her.
Dr. Koothrappali: So you're saying you still want to get married? Fine. Then I'll call her parents and we'll straighten this whole thing out.
Raj: I don't think she wants to marry me. And honestly she deserves someone better.
Dr. Koothrappali: Rajesh, you need to stop being so hard on yourself. You're a good man.
Raj: Wow. Y-You've never told me that.
Dr. Koothrappali: You're also a dope.
Raj: That you've said.
Dr. Koothrappali: But your heart's in the right place, and you deserve happiness.
So you just need to figure out what you want, and if that means cancelling the wedding, we cancel the wedding.
Raj: Thank you.
Dr. Koothrappali: But figure it out quickly, or I'll be celebrating my next birthday with a lot more elephants and marigolds than I expected.

Penny: So, Dr. Koothrappali, long flight?
Dr. Koothrappali: Twenty hours.
Penny: Ooh, that's rough.
Dr. Koothrappali: Not at all. Did you know that when you fly Transcontinental without your wife, you don't pray for the plane to crash?

Dr. Koothrappali: Relax? Easy for you to say. Your mother isn't cleaning out your bank account. Forty years, the woman never cleaned a thing.

Bernadette: But I thought I'd be more excited.
Dr. Koothrappali: Oh, being excited isn't a guarantee of anything. Rajesh's mother was thrilled when she was pregnant with him. After he was born, she doted on his every move. And you know what happened? He broke her heart, moved halfway around the world, and dates only poor white women. So you never know.

Bernadette: This is so great. Why don't we do it more often?
Amy: Because you have two kids, I have Sheldon, and Penny's apparently in the gym all the time, 'cause damn, look at her!
Bernadette: Yeah, so impressive how you manage to bounce back after having no babies.
Penny: Ah, another reason why we don't do this more often.

Penny: Thank you, but you shouldn't have spent so much.
Zack: Nah. It's cool. I sold my company for a boatload of money. And then I bought a boat. Then I got married. Guess where.
Amy: On your boat?
Zack: No, but that would've been awesome!

Penny: Did-did you send this over?
Zack: I did. I asked for the most expensive one they have. They said it was $200, and I said I want a more expensive one. And then, they said it was $300.
Amy: But it-it was the same-
Penny: Don't.