Raj: Hey, you guys want to read my fan fiction mash-up, "Captain Marvelous Mrs.
Maisel"?
Penny: Nope.
Bernadette: No.
Howard: Certainly not.
Raj: You don't even know what it's about.
Bernadette: Is it about a superhero who finds her voice by doing stand-up?
Raj: That's so much better than what I had. Mine is just a Jewish girl that flies.
Howard: I'd read that.

Raj: Amy, good luck getting these guys excited about a dinner with a theme. I gave up when no one cared about my Tom Hanks-Giving.

Raj: Oh man, first monster I see I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand and shoot my magic all over his ass!
Stuart: Do you hear yourself when you say these things?

Raj: Doesn't anyone have a rod of resurrection? Because if you've got one, I need it bad. Get in here with your rod and give it to me.
Stuart: Okay, you need to say these things in your head before you say them out loud.

Wil Wheaton: All right, Professor Proton fans, get ready to meet Dr. Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler, a pair of real-life scientists who may win the Nobel Prize. That's like the Kids' Choice Award, but with more science and less slime.

Sheldon: Kids' Choice Award? Why would they let kids choose anything? They're basically human larvae.
Wil Wheaton: Well, they are kind of our target audience.
Sheldon: Greetings, children. Toys, am I right?
Amy: He is. He has hundreds of them.

Amy: Okay, imagine you're looking in a mirror. The image you see looks just like you. That's called symmetrical.
Sheldon: Now imagine you have a billion mirrors, and each of them reflects one thing about you correctly and a billion things about you incorrectly. And imagine the set of incorrect things are floating in an abstract n-dimensional hyperspace. Now imagine there was never a mirror to begin with.