Dr. Campbell: Dr. Cooper, Dr. Fowler. Just the guy I want to see.
Amy: Are you drunk?
Dr. Campbell: I was, and then I still was. And now, I still was.

Amy: So, um, listen, we just published a few months ago. How did you have time to design an experiment?
Dr. Pemberton: We didn't. This whole thing is actually a gigantic accident.
Dr. Campbell: Yeah, we've been working with kaons, and our data made absolutely no sense.
Dr. Pemberton: A few weeks ago, someone told us about your paper, and we realized that our failed experiment confirmed your theory.
Dr. Campbell: And now, instead of losing our jobs, Fermilab flew us to L.A. Economy Plus. Free headphones.
Dr. Pemberton: Looks like my wife left me a month too soon.
Sheldon: (stammers) So you weren't even thinking about super-asymmetry?
Dr. Campbell: Thinking about it? (chuckles) We don't even understand it.
Dr. Pemberton: And now look at the four of us, changing the face of physics!
Dr. Campbell: [hugs Sheldon] Ooh, I got to do it.

Dr. Campbell: Pemberton is out. Someone published all the information about his plagiarism. [whispers:] It was me. Someone else told Fermilab, and he lost his job. [whispers:] Also me. And someone is sleeping with his ex-wife and it's not me.
Amy: I thought it was.
Dr. Campbell: Not anymore. Apparently, just because I'm better than her husband doesn't mean I'm as good as her contractor. Women, huh?

Dr. Campbell: Hear me out. Look, the three of us could team up. There's one small catch. Dr. Pemberton has been saying a lot of bad stuff about me. But don't worry, I couldn't possibly have done any of it, because I was with you guys the whole time. [whispers:] I did it.

Sheldon: Are you all right? You seem distracted.
Amy: Yeah, sorry. I'm just trying to figure something out.
Sheldon: Is it what to get me for our anniversary? 'Cause I'll give you a hint: it's already in my Amazon basket. Just click "buy now." I filled out the gift card for you. Apparently, I'm the light of your life.

Sheldon: So I was talking to my mom about our Pemberton and Campbell situation.
Amy: Really? What'd she say?
Sheldon: Apparently, Old Testament God would bring down his wrath on them for being deceitful, but New Testament God would forgive them.
Amy: So couldn't we just bring down our wrath and ask the New Testament God to forgive us?
Sheldon: You know, I asked her that very question.
Amy: And?
Sheldon: She said I was full of California sass.

Barry Kripke: Oh God, I hate that guy.
Sheldon: That's strange; you seem quite fond of him.
Barry Kripke: I was only being polite. Pemberton is a grade A weasel.
Sheldon: How do I know you're not just being polite when you say it's nice to see me?
Barry Kripke: I have literally never said that to you.