Sheldon: What if someone kidnaps me, forces me to record my voice, and then cuts off my thumb?
Leonard: I'll send them a basket of muffins.

Leonard: What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis?
Sheldon: Screwed?
Leonard: There you go.

Sheldon: This song is never going to stop. Have you ever dealt with something so relentlessly irritating?
Leonard: That's a trick question, right?

Leonard: My point is, while you're spending all this time on your own, building computers or practicing your cello, what you're really doing is becoming interesting. When people finally do notice you, they're gonna find someone a lot cooler than they thought. And for those of you that were popular in high school, it's over, sorry. Thank you. Congratulations.

*Sheldon is using a map of the U.S. to find out where he can move*
Sheldon: Penny, you're from Nebraska, right?
Penny: Born and raised.
*Sheldon crosses out Nebraska*

Sheldon: I do not have to urinate. I am the master of my own bladder. Drat.

Sheldon: My new computer came with Windows 7. Windows 7 is much more user-friendly than Windows Vista. I don't like that.