Dr. Koothrappali: I see you got engaged.
Penny: Yes, we did.
Dr. Koothrappali: Let me tell you a story.
Raj: Dad.
Dr. Koothrappali: Sorry. I'm sure you won't grow to hate each other.

Penny: So, Dr. Koothrappali, long flight?
Dr. Koothrappali: Twenty hours.
Penny: Ooh, that's rough.
Dr. Koothrappali: Not at all. Did you know that when you fly Transcontinental without your wife, you don't pray for the plane to crash?

Dr. Koothrappali: Relax? Easy for you to say. Your mother isn't cleaning out your bank account. Forty years, the woman never cleaned a thing.

Bernadette: But I thought I'd be more excited.
Dr. Koothrappali: Oh, being excited isn't a guarantee of anything. Rajesh's mother was thrilled when she was pregnant with him. After he was born, she doted on his every move. And you know what happened? He broke her heart, moved halfway around the world, and dates only poor white women. So you never know.

Raj: Amy, good luck getting these guys excited about a dinner with a theme. I gave up when no one cared about my Tom Hanks-Giving.

Sheldon: Let's see. What do I know about Amy? She loves medieval literature. Chaucer's her favorite. And her eyes sparkle when she watches old French movies. And I enjoy how harp music causes her fingers to dance as if she's playing along.
Bernadette: Wow, you really do love her.
Sheldon: I do. Now, let's find the kind of gift that makes her feel small and worthless.

Bernadette: Why'd you turn it off?
Sheldon: Because in the last ten minutes, Santa came to town, kissed mommy, and ran grandma over with a reindeer. I had a drunk uncle who did all those things. Nobody sings songs about him.