Leonard: Guys, tickets already went on sale.
Sheldon: What?
Howard: They're not supposed to be available yet.
Leonard: I don't know what to tell you, but they're already available.
Raj: Wait, are you sure they're Star Wars tickets?
Leonard: No, it's Steel Magnolias 2: Even Steelier.

Leonard: What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis?
Sheldon: Screwed?
Leonard: There you go.

Leonard: Penny, as a scientist, my job is to figure out why things happen. But I don't think I'll ever understand how someone like me could get to be with someone like you. You know maybe I don't need to understand it, I just need to be grateful. I love you, Penny.

Sheldon: This song is never going to stop. Have you ever dealt with something so relentlessly irritating?
Leonard: That's a trick question, right?

Amy: Okay, what is going on?
Penny: We just want you to be prepared for any surprises that could happen tomorrow.
Amy: What surprises?
Bernadette: We don't want to spoil anything, but you should know that Sheldon said he's ready to be physical.
Amy: You shut your damn mouth! You actually heard him say this?
Penny: Yes, he said he wants to do something to show you how much you mean to him.
Amy: I can't believe it. I don't know what to say.
Bernadette: Well, we're really happy for you and we know how much-
Amy: I do know what to say. Let's get me waxed!

Sheldon: Oh, I should probably tell you something about this gift.
Amy: You mean, before you give it to me?
Sheldon: Yes. But may I ask you a question before I give it to you?
Amy: Of course.
Sheldon: Why are we saying give it to you like that?

Sheldon: All right, this goes against everything I stand for, but desperate times call for desperate measures. (Kneels down to pray) Lord, this is Sheldon Cooper, you're good friends with my mom. I know I've spent my life denying that you exist-
Howard: Got them!
Sheldon: -and I will continue do so!