Bernadette: You can make-believe, though. Sometimes Howard and I pretend that his arrhythmia is acting up and I'm a sexy cardiologist. And the naughty part is I'm not in his HMO network.

Howard: I'm sorry I didn't take you to the airport. I just want you to know I'll never forgive myself for being so selfish. And I promise to keep you close for the rest of my life.
Bernadette: Oh, no, that thing's gonna end up in my bedroom.

Bernadette: (Shouting from the bathroom) How many times do I have to tell you to replace the toilet paper when it's empty?
Howard: I'm in the middle of something.
Bernadette: So am I!

Bernadette: Gosh, Amy. I'm sensing a little hostility. Is it maybe because like Sheldon's work, your sex life is also theoretical?

Bernadette: Boy, I don't know if I could be friends with Howie if we broke up.
Howard: Why not?
Bernadette: I'm a very vengeful person.
Howard: Really?
Bernadette: With access to weaponized smallpox.

Sheldon: Does anybody have any wood? Oh, come on! I just want wood. Why are you making it so hard?

Sheldon: I know he (Spock) wouldn't care for an outburst of human emotion, but oh goodie, oh goodie, oh goodie!