Howard: Excuse me.
Althea: Fill this out, have a seat.
Howard: No, listen. See, we're throwing my friend a surprise party and I'm supposed to keep him out of his apartment for two hours.
Althea: Uh-huh. Fill this out and have a seat.
Howard: No, the only way I could get him to leave is to tell him I ate a peanut. Because I'm allergic to peanuts.
Althea: Oh, well in that case fill this out and have a seat.
Howard: Look, all I need from you is to take me in the back and give me a band-aid so I can pretend I had a shot of epinephrine and then you tell my friend you need to keep me under observation for about an hour, hour and a half.
Althea: Is that all you need?
Howard: Yes.
Althea: Get out of my ER.
Howard: No, you don't understand.
Althea: Oh, I understand, but unfortunately this hospital is not equipped to treat stupid.

Althea: What is this?
Howard: It's a robot arm.
Althea: Where's the rest of the robot?
Howard: I only built the arm.
Althea: Because that's all you needed, right?

Leonard: Is this the high-IQ sperm bank?
Althea: If you have to ask, maybe you shouldn't be here.

Althea: Fill these out.
Leonard: Thank you. We'll be right back.
Althea: Oh, take your time. I'll just finish my crossword puzzle. Oh wait.

Howard: Try telling him it's a non-optional social convention.
Penny: What?
Howard: Just do it!
Penny: It's a non-optional social convention.
Sheldon: Oh, fair enough.
Howard: He came with a manual.

Sheldon: What computer do you have? And please don't say a white one.

Store Clerk: Excuse me, Sir, you don't work here.
Sheldon: Yes, well apparently neither does anyone else.