Bernadette: Hang on. You seriously think I'm going to live with your mother?
Sheldon: Howard, I think I can help here. Yes, Bernadette, that's exactly what he thinks.
Howard: Why not? It's a great house, plenty of room, and if we have kids, Mom's there to help. You know, when she tells the Three Little Pigs story, she actually has hair on her chinny-chin-chin.
Bernadette: I'm not gonna live with your mother. Not now, not ever.
Howard: Wow, someone obviously has some mommy issues.

Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Bernadette: Maybe we should get one of those machines to help her up the stairs.
Howard: You mean a forklift?

Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper does not cry.
Howard: That's true, you'd rust.

Amy: The only person who signed my yearbook was my mother. "Dear Amy, self respect and a hymen are far better than friends and fun. Love, mom."

Bernadette: Good Morning, handsome.
Howard: Good morning, mom.
Bernadette: It's me!

Amy: I have a sorta kinda boyfriend at home playing with a model train, but you don't hear me bitching about it.