Leonard: Sheldon's assistant asked me on a date last night.
Raj: How could you do that to me? You know I've been working it with Alex for weeks.
Leonard: Working it? You can't even talk to her.
Raj: I talk with my eyes.
Howard: You look like my little cousin when he's dropping one in his diaper.

Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Bernadette: Maybe we should get one of those machines to help her up the stairs.
Howard: You mean a forklift?

Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper does not cry.
Howard: That's true, you'd rust.

Amy: I have a lab full of coked up monkeys with nothing to lose.

Alex: Is there a problem?
Sheldon: Let's not call it a problem. Let's call it an opportunity. To solve a serious problem.

Sheldon: My father used to say that a woman is like an egg salad sandwich on a warm Texas day.
Alex: What?
Sheldon: Full of eggs and only appealing for a short time.