Leonard: Howard, every Thai restaurant in town knows you can't eat peanuts. When they see me coming they say, "Ah! No peanut boy!"

Sheldon: This song is never going to stop. Have you ever dealt with something so relentlessly irritating?
Leonard: That's a trick question, right?

Howard: Don't feel bad. Some day someone will be throwing out your work, too.
Leonard: That someone was Sheldon and the day was yesterday.

Sheldon: I remember the song! It's called "Darlin'" by the Beach Boys! Oh, thank goodness! I'm not crazy! I don't have to take a pigeon as my bride!
Leonard: There goes our shot at him living on the roof.

Howard: Try telling him it's a non-optional social convention.
Penny: What?
Howard: Just do it!
Penny: It's a non-optional social convention.
Sheldon: Oh, fair enough.
Howard: He came with a manual.

Sheldon: What computer do you have? And please don't say a white one.

Store Clerk: Excuse me, Sir, you don't work here.
Sheldon: Yes, well apparently neither does anyone else.