Penny: "Kept Fern alive"? Who's Fern?
Leonard: No, the fern. The one in the bathroom.
Penny: We're really calling that brown thing alive? Okay.

Sheldon: Woman, you are playing with forces beyond your ken.
Penny: Yeah, well your Ken can kiss my Barbie.

Leonard: What am I supposed to do?
Penny: Err, keep your mouth off other women.

Leonard: If I take it off, Sheldon wins.
Penny: Sweetie, every night you don't kill him in his sleep, he wins.

Sheldon: Can I get you anything else?
Amy: No, thanks. I think I'm good.
Sheldon: You sure? There's still plenty of pork fat. Although, if we don't eat it, I suppose we could turn it into soap.
Amy: That might taste better.

Sheldon: Uh-oh.
Amy: What?
Sheldon: I left the food out.
Amy: You afraid it's gonna go good?

Amy: I know we only have coitus on my birthday, but I don't know if I can wait until midnight.
Sheldon: Oh, well, you'll be glad you did. Everyone knows the best foreplay is rigid adherence to a strict schedule.