611 - The Santa Simulation Aired December 13, 2012
Sheldon is haunted by the memories of Christmas past when the guys play a festive game of Dungeons and Dragons. Elsewhere, Amy, Penny and Bernadette try find a girl for Raj when he joins them on ladies' night.
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Guest Stars: Dakin Matthews as Santa
Director: Mark Cendrowski
Viewers: 16.77 million Households Rating: 10.2/17 Adults 18-49 Rating: 5.4/17
- The title references the festive Dungeons and Dragons game the guys play, which brings up bad Christmas memories for Sheldon.
Raj: Oh man, first monster I see I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand and shoot my magic all over his ass!
Stuart: Do you hear yourself when you say these things?
Raj: Doesn't anyone have a rod of resurrection? Because if you've got one, I need it bad. Get in here with your rod and give it to me.
Stuart: Okay, you need to say these things in your head before you say them out loud.
Leonard: Okay Sheldon, to start our quest, you need to open this little Christmas gift I got you.
Sheldon: Christmas? You know I don't enjoy Christmas?
Stuart: Why not?
Sheldon: Oh, where to begin? Trees indoors. Overuse of the words 'tis' and 'twas'. And the absurd custom of one stocking.
Everybody knows that socks comes in pairs. Who uses one sock?
Howard: A pirate with a peg leg?
Sheldon: Actually, that helps, thank you.
Sheldon: Oh, a scroll. I like scrolls. They're my third favourite system of transmitting the written word, after stone tablets and sky-writing.
You have all been summoned to join a thrilling Dungeons and Dragons adventure. Your quest begins in a secret northern village of elves who have all been massacred. I like where this is heading. Your task is to rescue their leader from a dungeon of ogres. Oh, that's a saucy twist. That leader's name: Santa Claus.
No, no, no!
Leonard: Its actually ho, ho, ho, but you'll get the hang of it.
Leonard: You come to the end of the tunnel and find a large chest. What do you do? And, Howard, do not say, I feel up the large chest.
Howard: Excuse me. I'm a married man now. I wasn't going to say anything so juvenile.
Leonard: Great. What do you do?
Howard: I walk up to the large chest, bury my face in it and go blublublublublublublublu!
Episode Pictures (12)
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As Leonard helps Penny assemble a cardboard fireplace in her apartment, he tells her he will spending Saturday night playing Dungeons and Dragons in the apartment. Leonard bemoans how he doesn't play often now he has a girlfriend. Meanwhile, Sheldon tells Amy about their plans, revealing that the girls are not invited. Howard tells Bernadette, who was looking forward to spending Saturday night with him, and is transparently manipulative as he convinces her to let him go. When Raj tells his "significant other", Stuart, they're both excited at the prospect of playing D&D.
On the night of the game, Sheldon is angered when Leonard reveals their game will have a Christmas theme. Before the girls head off for their girls night, they perform a catwalk in the apartment to show their guys what they're missing. Raj, whose character has already died, asks if he can tag along on their night out. The girls initially refuse, but they soon come back for Raj. At the bar, Raj buys a bottle of champagne for the table, treating the girls. The girls decide they should try help Raj meet a girl.
Back at the apartment, Sheldon is getting into the Christmas spirit as they play D&D, singing the classic Christmas carol Good King Wenceslas. Meanwhile, at the bar, Raj returns with a girl's email address only to find it's a fake address. As Raj wonders why he can't meet a girl, he admits he always falls for women he can't have, including Penny and Bernadette. When Amy wonders if she has also been the object of Raj's desire, he flat out rejects the notion, unaware how he's hurting Amy's feelings.
Sheldon is getting more and more into the Christmas spirit, even drinking eggnog. When Sheldon wonders why it's so important to Leonard that he enjoy Christmas, Leonard admits he had plenty of crappy Christmases as a kid and he's tired of Sheldon sucking the fun out of them now. Elsewhere, Raj apologizes for upsetting Amy. When Raj and Amy share stories about their own loneliness, they bond - right up until Amy becomes convinced Raj does want her, at which point they leave. Raj admits that now Amy doesn't want him, he is sort of into her.
Sheldon and the guys reach Santa Claus in the game, but Sheldon goes rogue and casts a spell of paralysis on Stuart and Howard. Sheldon's character confronts Santa about the time he was five-years-old and he asked a Mall Santa for his Pop-Pop to come back, but instead that year he got Lincoln Logs for Christmas. Sheldon refuses to save Mr. Kringle and leaves him in the dungeon. Later that night, Sheldon comes into the living room and finds Santa Claus leaving him presents. In revenge for leaving him for dead, Santa fires a cannon at Sheldon.