Penny: No Shoes, No Shirt, No Sheldon.
Howard: I bet we could sell that sign all over Pasadena!

Penny: I like hanging out with you guys, but I'm not gonna apologize for something I didn't do.
Leonard: Well, actually, technically, you did do it.
Penny: That's strike one, Leonard.

Penny: Here you go, [to Leonard] quesadilla, [to Howard] salad, [to Raj] here's your pizza. And thanks to Sheldon's heated discussion with my manager, one barbecue bacon cheeseburger, barbecue sauce, bacon, and cheese on the side.
Sheldon: Thank you!
Penny: Go ahead. Eat it. I dare you!

Penny: I was in junior rodeo. I can hog-tie and castrate him in 60 seconds.

Penny: Holy crap on a cracker!

Penny: Dr. Sheldon Cooper?
Ramona: We're having dinner.
Penny: Sheldon Cooper? Tall, thin, looks a little like a giant praying mantis.
Ramona: He is cute, isn't he?

Sheldon: You have to drive me to work.
Penny: Yeah, I really don't think I do.
Sheldon: But I don't drive and I can't take the bus.
Penny: Alright, honey, you'll be fine as long as you don't do that bungee chord thing.

Sheldon: I still don't see why I need a driver's license. Albert Einstein never had a driver's license.
Howard: Yeah, but Albert Einstein didn't make me wet myself at 40 miles an hour.
Penny: Yeah, and I never wanted to kick Albert Einstein in the nuts.

Penny: (pulling car over) Get out.
Sheldon: Well, I have to tell you that while I do have a theoretical understanding of the workings of an internal combustion engine, I'm not sure I'm capable of performing diagnostics.
Penny: I said, get out.
Sheldon: Okay. I'll give it a shot. (Penny drives away)

Leonard: Okay, now, what you want to do first is turn on the ignition and shift into drive.
Sheldon: I haven't fastened my seat belt yet.
Leonard: Okay, fasten your seat belt.
Sheldon: Click. Now, are there air bags?
Leonard: You don't need air bags.
Sheldon: What if a simulated van rear-ends me?
Penny: I'll hit you in the face with a pillow.

Sheldon: The Hungarians are just using you for dragon fodder.
Penny: Really? Boy, you'd think you could trust a horde of Hungarian barbarians.

Sheldon: I believe the condensation on your frozen foods weakened the structural integrity of the bag. But returning to your key conundrum, perhaps you should call a locksmith and have him open the door for you.
Penny: I did, and he said he'll get here when he gets here.
Sheldon: And you're frustrated because he phrased his reply in the form of a meaningless tautology?
Penny: No! I am frustrated because I am a failure at everything and my breath smells like fly.

Penny: No, Fritz, I need you on my flank. No, I don't know German. Flankenzie, flankenzie!

Leonard: Listen, Penny.
Penny: Uh, Queen Penelope AFK. What?
Leonard: Okay, um, here's the thing, um, sometimes people, good people, you know, they start playing these games and they find themselves through no fault of their own, you know, kind of, addicted.
Penny: Yeah, get to the point, I'm about to level up here.
Leonard: Well, i-i-it's just if a person doesn't have a sense of achievement in their real life it's easy to lose themselves in a virtual world where they get a false sense of accomplishment.
Penny: Yeah, jabber jabber jabber, okay boys, Queen Penelope's back online.

Sheldon: So listen, would you describe your ideal vacation as a wild adventure to unknown lands, or staying at home curled up with a good book?
Penny: What?
Sheldon: These are market research questions. I'm filling out the online registration for your game.
Penny: Oh, okay, wild adventure.