Sheldon: We have to stop this and protect your legacy.
Professor Proton: What legacy? My-my last two seasons, I was on Sunday morning at 5:30.
We-we were beat by Davey and Goliath.

Sheldon: No, wait. I'm really good at this. Give me a hint. Does it involve difficulty initiating a stream of anything?
Professor Proton: Well, given my age, that's more than just a lucky guess.

Professor Proton: Rule number one in a marriage: don't go to bed angry.
Sheldon: That makes sense.
Professor Proton: Rule number two in a marriage: if you don't recognize the shoes under your bed, they're not your shoes.
Sheldon: Because they're her shoes?
Professor Proton: (sighs) N-Never mind, just-just go with rule number one.
Sheldon: Thank you, Arthur.
Professor Proton: Uh, before you go, can I ask you a question?
Sheldon: Of course.
Professor Proton: Does this look lean to you? I ordered lean.

Professor Proton: Look, guys, keep your money. I, I think, uh, I, I think I'm done.
Sheldon: What, well what's wrong? Is she upsetting you? Because I can make her go away.
Professor Proton: No, she, she's the only reason I've, I've stayed this long.

Leonard: Then what is it?

Professor Proton: I don't know. I think I'm just, I, I just, I just don't want to be Professor Proton any more.
Sheldon: Well, how can you say that? Professor Protons the best.
Professor Proton: What, what has it ever gotten me? I mean, I'm, I'm an 83-year-old man who has potatoes in, in his suitcase. Other scientists think, think I'm a joke. And the, the puppeteer who did, who did Gino, well, he also did my wife.

Sheldon: Well, anyway, um, you may find this hard to believe, but I didn't have any friends growing up.
Professor Proton: No, I, I get that.

Sheldon: But, um, I did have you. And every day at four o'clock, you'd come to my house on Channel 68, and we'd do science together. If it hadn't been for you, well, who knows what would've become of me? You know? Instead of a world-class physicist, I could've wound up as a hobo. Or a surgeon.
Leonard: I bet there are important discoveries being made every day because you inspired millions of kids to pursue science. In a way, their discoveries are your discoveries.
Sheldon: Yeah, it's true. A generation of young scientists are standing on your shoulders.
Professor Proton: Well, thank, thank you, guys. That, that, that means a lot.

Professor Proton: But I, I do, I do have a favor to, to ask.
Sheldon: Name it.
Professor Proton: Well, I'm, I'm booked to do a children's party tomorrow, and, um, frankly I, you know, I, I don't feel up to it.
Sheldon: Oh, you're not. You look awful.
Professor Proton: Thank you. Anyway, uh, I mean, you know my act better than anybody. I was, I was hoping that maybe, you know, maybe you'd fill in for me.
Sheldon: Are you saying that you want me to be Professor Proton?
Professor Proton: Yeah.
Sheldon: Oh, my. What an honor. Oh, this is like being asked to ascend Mount Olympus and dine with the gods.
Professor Proton: Or a Korean family in Alhambra.
Sheldon: But they'll know I'm not you. Should I call myself Professor Proton, Jr.?
Professor Proton: Sounds great.
Sheldon: So, in a way it's like I'm your son.
Professor Proton: What- Whatever.
Sheldon: Father.
Professor Proton: Sure, what the hell.

Professor Proton: Hello, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Hello, Arthur. Now, I'm confused, usually when you appear to me in my dreams, we're on the planet Dagobah.
Professor Proton: This is Dagobah.
Sheldon: I didn't know that Dagobah had delicatessens.
Professor Proton: Not good ones. Whatever you do, don't order the Reuben.

Sheldon: So what prescription are you getting filled?
Leonard: Sheldon!
Sheldon: No wait, I want to guess. Don't tell me.
Professor Proton: I wasn't going to tell you.

Professor Proton: Let me see if, if I have this straight. You, you two are, are physicists, and you, and you want me to do a children's science show?
Sheldon: Yes. And if there's time, take 12 pictures with us in seasonal clothing.
Professor Proton: You know, I'm a real scientist. I, I have a PhD from Cornell University.
Sheldon: Yeah, that's great. Did you bring your puppet?
Professor Proton: No, no. I, I hate that puppet.
Sheldon: Oh, no. How could anybody hate (in an exaggerated Italian accent) Gino the Neutrino? It's nice, huh? I got him for 20 bucks on eBay. (Italian accent) Including the shipping!
Professor Proton: I'm, I'm awake, right? Th, this is happening?

Penny: So, do you do a lot of appearances like this?
Professor Proton: It, it's hard to say. I'm, I'm still trying to figure out what, what th, what this is.
Leonard: We just wanted to hang out with you and maybe learn a little about your life.
Professor Proton: Well, there, there really isn't too much to tell. After the TV show was, was canceled, nobody in the scientific world would, uh, would take me seriously. So I was forced to do these, uh, children's parties to, to make a living.
Leonard: That's too bad. But still, working with kids, it must be rewarding.
Professor Proton: You, you get bit a lot.

Professor Proton: What do you want, Sheldon?
Sheldon: It's been pointed out by my girlfriend that I may have been annoying to you.
Professor Proton: She sounds like a keeper.

Sheldon: Now that you and I are friends again, I am at your disposal. And frankly, lending my name and reputation to it will help. Because a lot of people think you're a washed up has-been ... or dead.
Professor Proton: I should be so lucky.

Professor Proton: If someone had told me people would still call me Professor Proton when I was eighty-three years old, I never would have quit smoking.