Quotes from ‘The Proton Regeneration’

The Proton Regeneration

'The Proton Regeneration' - Season 11, Episode 6

When Sheldon learns that Professor Proton's show is being redeveloped, he decides to audition for the role and ends up in competition with WilWheaton. Meanwhile, Penny takes care of Halley when Howard and Bernadette are put on bed rest.

Air Date: November 2, 2017.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Uh, no. No, baby. I'm not your mama. Your mama's the nice lady we're gonna go see right now so I can rub this in her face. Do you hear that, suckers? She called me Mama!

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: Ugh.
Leonard: You okay?
Sheldon: No. No, all these comments online about Wil, they're nothing but supportive and kind. Where's the mean, snarky Internet that shows up every time I get a haircut?
Leonard: You know that's us, right?

Quote from Raj

Raj: You know who'd make a great Professor Proton? Meryl Streep.
Howard: She's not a scientist.
Raj: Uh, then explain to me why she has chemistry with literally everyone.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Hey, hey, hey, I can watch your stupid baby, okay? If she cries, I will pick her up. If she's hungry, I'll give her a bottle. And if she poops, I'll light some incense.

Quote from Professor Proton

Sheldon: Hello, Arthur. Professor Proton: What-what part of "rest in peace" don't you understand?

Quote from Professor Proton

Sheldon: I suppose you're here because you heard the news?
Professor Proton: Sheldon, I'm a figment of your imagination. I don't hear news.

Quote from Professor Proton

Sheldon: You're a grumpy figment. Look, they're remaking your show, and they cast Wil Wheaton as Professor Proton. And the worst part is, he's not even a scientist.
Professor Proton: No, the-the worst part is, I'm sitting on a moist log.

Quote from Professor Proton

Sheldon: We have to stop this and protect your legacy.
Professor Proton: What legacy? My-my last two seasons, I was on Sunday morning at 5:30.
We-we were beat by Davey and Goliath.

Quote from Professor Proton

Sheldon: I can't believe you don't care.
Professor Proton: Believe it.
Sheldon: Well, I care, a lot, and Wil Wheaton will rue the day he ever met me.
Professor Proton: I think that's true of most people.

Quote from Professor Proton

Sheldon: Arthur.
Professor Proton: You-you know, we could we could also meet in-in a deli.
Sheldon: I'm sorry to say that I failed you. I tried to stop Wil Wheaton being Professor Proton, but I couldn't.
Professor Proton: See, now, that's-that's the kind of thing you could tell a fella over a pastrami sandwich.

Quote from Professor Proton

Sheldon: Well, don't worry. He's now on my enemies list forever. He's totally cut off.
Professor Proton: Interesting. Can-can anyone sign-sign up for that list?

Quote from Wil Wheaton

Sheldon: You can't be Professor Proton. You're not a scientist.
Wil Wheaton: Well, I was never on a starship, but pretending I was bought me this house. And if I'd pretended a little longer, it would have a swimming pool.

Quote from Howard

Howard: They're going to start making Professor Proton's science show again.
Bernadette: I thought he passed away.
Howard: He did. He was cremated, and his remains were put in a baking soda volcano.

Quote from Penny

Sheldon: Well, it should be a scientist I respect. You know, someone with a pleasing voice and symmetrical facial features.
Bernadette: Is he talking about himself?
Penny: If he's talking, he's talking about himself.

Quote from Penny

Bernadette: Howie, slow down.
Howard: I can't. I'm not allowed to eat for 12 hours before my surgery, and I only got two more minutes.
Leonard: What surgery are you having?
Raj: I'm stress eating. My best friend's getting a vasectomy tomorrow.
Penny: And you're sad you won't be able to bear his child?

Quote from Howard

Sheldon: Oh, my goodness.
Bernadette: If it's "vasectomy gone wrong" videos, he's seen them all. Including the one of the guy who's sitting on what appears to be a cantaloupe but is not.
Howard: (putting his plate of food own) And I'm done.

Quote from Howard

Sheldon: They're going to start making Professor Proton's science show again.
Bernadette: I thought he passed away.
Howard: He did. He was cremated, and his remains were put in a baking soda volcano.

Quote from Leonard

Amy: He meant a lot to Sheldon.
Leonard: Oh, me, too. I grew up watching his show. He's one of the reasons I became a scientist.
Penny: Aw, thought you did it just to get girls.
Leonard: Joke's on you. It worked.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: It would be nice if they cast a woman.
Sheldon: Oh, you've already got Doctor Who and the Ghostbusters. Leave us something.

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: I just know how much Professor Proton touched me as a child, and I feel that I owe it to him to try and touch as many children as possible.
Leonard: You should put that on your audition tape.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Where are you going?
Howard: Gift shop.
Bernadette: There is no gift shop. Sit down.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: This was your idea.
Howard: So was having sex, and look where that got us.
Bernadette: This isn't a big deal. Stop whining.
Howard: When you were in labor and I said that, you kicked me.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: Want me to go with you?
Howard: No, I'll be fine.
Raj: (standing up to go with Howard) Yeah, we got this.
Howard: Sit down!

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Okay, you ready?
Sheldon: Yeah, almost. I'm working on my facial expressions. See, uh, I've got interested. Hmm.
I've got very interested. Hmm.
Oh, and, uh, enraged.
Amy: Why would you be enraged?
Sheldon: Better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: And rolling.
Sheldon: Hello. I am theoretical physicist, Dr. Sheldon Cooper, auditioning for the role of Professor Proton.
Now, excuse me while I get into character. (Turns around and back. In the same monotonous voice) Hello, I am Professor Proton.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: And today, boys and girls, we're going to have fun with science. Did you know you could calculate the mass of an electron using household items? It's true. All you'll need is a pencil, some paper, dry ice, rubbing alcohol, and a spool of 50-micron-thick cobalt-60 wire. And, remember, don't put it in your mouth, or instead of becoming a scientist, you'll become wildly radioactive.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Hang on, I have a question. Do you have any experiments that aren't life-threatening?
Sheldon: Come on! That was a perfect take, and you ruined it. Oh, look! Hey, I did need enraged.

Quote from Bernadette

Howard: Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
Raj: Really hurts, huh?
Bernadette: No. He's just saying, "Ow can these prices be so low?".

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: It's gonna be okay. A day or two of rest, and you'll be fine.
Howard: You know nothing about Jewish people.

Quote from Howard

Raj: It says here that I need to check the area for redness and swelling.
Howard: You know what? It hurts so much, go ahead.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: So the next time someone on the playground tells you you can only use integral values for the matrix that determines the spin of the anti-proton, you stop being friends with that kid, 'cause he's going nowhere.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Until next week, this is Professor Proton saying, 01000010 01111001 01100101. That's "Bye" in ASCII binary, or good-binary.

Quote from Amy

Sheldon: So, what do you think?
Amy: Well, I already told him that I loved it, but if you found it confusing or dangerous or, I don't know, three to four times too long, now is the time to share.

Quote from Penny

Penny: I don't know what to say. Leonard, do you know what to say?
Leonard: Sheldon, uh, I thought it, uh, it looked like you were having so much fun.
Sheldon: Hey, that's what you used to tell me to say to Penny after one of her terrible plays.
Penny: Hey! (Penny slaps Leonard)
Leonard: Hey!

Quote from Amy

Amy: Well, what was wrong with it? You know, did you find it borderline psychotic? I mean, I liked that about it, but you guys discuss.

Quote from Penny

Leonard: Do you remember when you were a kid and you'd watch Professor Proton?
Sheldon: Of course.
Leonard: Well, did he ever make you-- I don't know-- hate science and the people who do it?
Sheldon: What are you saying?
Leonard: I just think it would be better if your contempt for children wasn't so much in the foreground.
Sheldon: Well, you want me to lie?
Penny: Well, it's not lying. It's acting. Sheldon Cooper may not like kids, but Professor Proton loves them.
Sheldon: Interesting. You know, I hadn't really thought of it that way. It's similar to how I'm afraid of dogs, but my D&D character likes dogs, you know? But he's allergic, so he can't be around them.
Penny: Why don't we have a dog?

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Hey, you can always reshoot it.
Sheldon: Mm, I suppose. And, you know, maybe I could even get some tips from someone who's acted professionally.
Penny: Oh. Sheldon, obviously, I'd be happy to help you out.
Sheldon: I don't know what to say.

Quote from Sheldon

Wil Wheaton: Hey, Sheldon. What's up?
Sheldon: I need an acting coach.
Wil Wheaton: Oh.
Sheldon: Would you give me Patrick Stewart's number?
Wil Wheaton: No.
Sheldon: Fine, I guess you can do it.

Quote from Howard

Howard: You want to lie down, watch a movie?
Bernadette: I can't. I got my 16-week checkup to get to, and then I'll pick up some Chinese for dinner. I'll take Halley with me.
Howard: You-you sure you're not overdoing it?
Bernadette: No, it's fine.
Howard: Great. Then maybe, instead of Chinese, fire up the grill and throw on a couple of steaks? (Bernadette stares at him) Kung pao chicken, please.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: Hi.
Howard: Hey, how was the doctor?
Bernadette: Good, but I have some news.
Howard: Don't say twins. Don't say twins. Don't say twins. Don't say twins.
Bernadette: It's not twins.
Howard: Oh. I mean, because I would have loved them both.

Quote from Howard

Penny: Hi, guys. Wanted to check in and see how you two were doing.
Bernadette: We're okay.
Howard: Yeah, hanging out in bed with my wife, thawing out some frozen peas in my pants-- living the dream.

Quote from Howard

Penny: I thought Raj was helping you out.
Howard: No, he had to work. Plus, he has a quota for the amount of Indian servant jokes he can tolerate, and, apparently, I filled it.

Quote from Howard

Penny: Don't be silly. I'll take the rest of the day off and watch Halley for you.
Bernadette: Or we can call Stuart. I'm sure he could close up the store, hop on a bus, and be here in no time.
Howard: He does love the bus.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Trust me, you guys have nothing to worry about. You know, back in Nebraska, I raised all our baby pigs right until the day they were slaughtered. So, unless your baby's made of breakfast meat, she's fine.

Quote from Raj

Leonard: Would you ever get a vasectomy?
Raj: Uh, in case you haven't noticed, Indians aren't too big on birth control. There's probably, like, a million more of us since we started this conversation.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Well, luckily, I got the number of the company who's trying to reboot the show, so I need you all to call and register your displeasure.
Raj: Sheldon, no one's gonna do that.
Sheldon: Not true. I know of three calls they've received already: a Southern gentleman, um, a Cockney chimney sweep, and, uh, Mr. T, hmm? Who - spoiler alert - pities the fool who tries to reboot that show.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: What about tiresome lunatic with a bad haircut? Has he called yet?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Come on. How many times have we banded together to try to save a show that we loved? Let's shake things up and try to kill one.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Isn't the important thing that there's a show to get kids excited about science?
Sheldon: Who cares about kids and what they like? This is about me and something I liked when ... when I was a kid.

Quote from Leonard

Raj: What if the reboot is great?
Sheldon: That's even worse. If-if I like it, I'll feel like I'm being disloyal to Arthur. He was a mentor and a friend, and I won't toss him aside for some Hollywood pretty boy like Wil Wheaton.
Raj: It's hard to argue with him.
Leonard: Because he makes no sense? Yeah.

Quote from Howard

Howard: This is actually kind of nice, you and me getting to spend a couple days in bed together.
Bernadette: Yeah. Pretty soon, we're gonna have two crying babies in the house.
Howard: (sighs) I'm glad my balls hurt. It's all their fault.

Quote from Penny

Bernadette: Penny, everything all right?!
Penny: Hey, all good. Dipped her pacifier in a little bourbon, she conked right out.
Bernadette: I hope you're joking.
Penny: Of course I'm joking. I don't share my bourbon.

Quote from Sheldon

Wil Wheaton: Hi, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Here, I found this pizza flyer in your fence.
Wil Wheaton: Thank you.
Sheldon: Okay, now you owe me a favor. Turn down the role of Professor Proton.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Some things shouldn't be rebooted. Some things were perfect the way they were. Like the walled city of York, it was a delight. But New York? Blech.

Quote from Sheldon

Wil Wheaton: Did you ever consider that maybe Arthur would be happy to know that his show has outlived him?
Sheldon: I doubt it. He was kind of a mean old crank.

Quote from Sheldon

Wil Wheaton: Sheldon, I promise that I will work my hardest to make this show great so that a whole new generation of kids will grow up and they will be able to say that Professor Proton was the reason they got into science.
Sheldon: Wow, that was very persuasive.
Wil Wheaton: Thanks.
Sheldon: But I won't be seduced by your acting skills nor your movie star charisma. There's only one Professor Proton, and he had neither of those things.

Quote from Wil Wheaton

Sheldon: I'll give you one more chance to bow out.
Wil Wheaton: Or what?
Sheldon: When we first met, we were enemies, but we worked through that and we became friends. Do you really want to go back?
Wil Wheaton: Honestly, it doesn't feel very different.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I'm not leaving!
Wil Wheaton: All right, I'm gonna stick my dog on you.
Sheldon: You don't have a dog.
Wil Wheaton: Yes, I do.
Sheldon: Ugh, I can't tell if you're lying. You're such a good actor!

Quote from Amy

Amy: Hey, how you doing?
Penny: What are you doing here?
Amy: Oh, I just came by, you know, to see if you need any help.
Penny: Howard and Bernadette asked you to check up on me.
Amy: That is not entirely true. So did Leonard and everybody.

Quote from Amy

Penny: How irresponsible do you all think I am?
Amy: We don't think you're irresponsible. We think you're fun-loving.
Penny: That is just a nice word for "irresponsible."
Amy: Hmm. You might be more on the ball than we thought.

Quote from Howard

Howard: I'm getting a little hungry.
Bernadette: Want me to get it this time?
Howard: That'd be great.
Bernadette: (Shakes Howard's phone to produce a bell ringing sound) This is fun.
Howard: And now you also get to see an annoyed blonde walk into the room.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: Can you get us a little snack?
Penny: You sure you don't want your spy to do it?
Howard: What are you talking about?
Penny: You really don't trust me? You had to have Amy stop by?
Bernadette: We trust you.
Howard: Yeah. You were a terrible waitress, and we still asked you to get us a snack.

Quote from Howard

Penny: Excuse me while I go take care of your baby. Then I'll bring you your snack, and you can insult me some more.
(Penny leaves)
Howard: I don't know about you, but I am not eating whatever she brings us.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Auntie Penny's here. Shh. Let's get you changed. Your mommy and daddy say they trust me, but they're full of the same stuff your diaper is.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: Now I feel bad.
Howard: Well, she never really liked me. It's kind of nice she hates you now, too.

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