Howard: Why am I listed as your executive assistant?
Sheldon: Because the word secretary has fallen into disrepute. FYI, my mother's birthday is coming up. I'm going to need you to pick up a present.

Sheldon: Look at the organizational chart. You're clearly listed as founder.
Leonard: Well, yes, and you're listed as Chief Executive Officer, Chief Financial Officer and Chief Operating Officer.
Sheldon: You missed Chief Science Officer, Chairman of the Board, and Head of the Secret Santa Committee.

Sheldon: All right, I suppose I'll go put on my bus pants.
Leonard: What the hell are bus pants?
Sheldon: They are pants one wears over one's regular pants when one sits on bus seats that other people have previously sat on. But perhaps from your lofty heights atop the corporate ladder, you've lost touch with the struggles of the common man.

Sheldon: You know, Leonard, that's actually a valid idea. Very good.
Leonard: Can you say that and not make it sound like I'm a cat who learned how to use the toilet?
Sheldon: No. The two achievements are equally surprising and equally admirable. Though if pressed, I'd have to give a slight edge to the cat.

Leonard: I checked the App Store. No one is doing handwriting recognition differential equation solving.
Sheldon: Oh, dear Lord, shush.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: You have so few good ideas, Leonard. And you're just going to spill the beans in front of an outsider?
Penny: Who, me?
Howard: Sheldon, I don't think Penny cares about handwriting recognition-based differential...
Sheldon: (singing over them) The stars at night are big and bright, deep in the heart of Texas.

Leonard: She's not going to steal our idea.
Penny: What idea?
Leonard: We're gonna write an application...
Sheldon: [sings] The prairie sky is wide and high, deep in the heart...
Penny: Okay, stop, stop!
Sheldon: [meekly] ...of Texas.

Sheldon: All right. All right, I'm not going to argue with you. Sheldon Cooper is nothing if not a team player. Dr. Hofstadter, you have the conn.
Leonard: Thank you. I thought we might start by talking about the user interface.
Sheldon: Oh, dear Lord, we're doomed.

Leonard: So this button here will allow you to scan a new equation, but over here, you can press this and just substitute new values for the coefficients.
Sheldon: Good one, boss.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: This diagram. I assume you were opening with a joke. It certainly buoyed up this employee's esprit de corps.
Leonard: It's not a joke. It's the real design.
Sheldon: In that case, may I offer 27 little tweaks to make it slightly less embarrassing?

Sheldon: I call for a vote of no confidence and an immediate change in leadership.
Leonard: Oh, Sheldon, stop it.
Sheldon: When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary to dissolve the bonds that tie three competent scientists together...

Leonard: That's enough, Sheldon.
Sheldon: All right, let's get right to the vote. Show of hands all those opposed to Leonard and his reign of tyranny.
Leonard: Okay, that's it. You're fired.
Sheldon: Really? Why?
Leonard: Because you're impossible to work with.
Sheldon: I see. And is that open for discussion?

Leonard: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Oh. Good morning, shoemaker. I think you'll be pleased with what the elves were up to last night.
Leonard: But I fired you.
Sheldon: Oh, I know. I'm now an independent contractor.
Leonard: No, you are now nothing. You have no connection to this project whatsoever.
Sheldon: But I made it better.
Leonard: I don't want it better. I want it my way.
Sheldon: Well, that speaks volumes, doesn't it?

Sheldon: Good morning, friend Howard, friend Raj. I see you gentlemen are enjoying beverages. Perhaps they would taste better out of these.
Raj: "World's Greatest Astrophysicist"?
Sheldon: Don't thank me. You earned it.
Howard: "Howard Wolowitz". Why not "World's Greatest Engineer"?
Sheldon: I'm sorry. I typed that into the label maker, but I just couldn't press enter.

Sheldon: Now, down to business. What would it take for you to abandon Leonard and join me in a rival company? Unless, of course, the mugs are sufficient, in which case, welcome aboard.
Howard: We're not quitting on Leonard.
Sheldon: I understand. And your loyalty is admirable. But what if I were to up the ante?
Raj: What are you talking about?
Sheldon: Monogrammed key chains with a built-in laser pointer. No? How about can cosies emblazoned with our university mascot? Go Beavers!
I'll be back.

Sheldon: Greetings, gentlemen. How goes your little project?
Raj: You mean, Project Leonwoloppali?
Sheldon: Ah, a combination of all your names. Very clever. I assume Koothranardowitz was taken?

Leonard: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Playing the theremin.
Leonard: No. I mean, what are you doing with a theremin?
Sheldon: Playing it.