Sheldon: Sherlock Holmes always says when you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. Now, have you tried doing that?
Officer Hernandez: Nope.
Sheldon: Well, maybe you should. There's lots of books called Sherlock Holmes and there's no books called Officer Hernandez.

Leonard: Sheldon, hang tight. Hey, do you want me to bring you anything?
Sheldon: Yes, please. A pair of pants, and my toothbrush, and my mail, and a really good come back for chicken legs. Because "I know you are, but what am I?" was met with stony silence.

Sheldon: Excuse me. Is it at all possible that you're knitting a pair of pants?

Sheldon: My girlfriend wanted to move in with me. Which was no doubt a ploy just to see my, excuse my language, bathingsuit parts.

Sheldon: I typically wear pajamas, but I recently adopted a hobo lifestyle. And pajamas are the sleep pants of The Man.

Sheldon: No, I'm not okay. I'm wearing borrowed pants, I don't have ID, and one of the officers here won't stop calling me chicken legs.

Sheldon: You tracked my phone?
Leonard: Yeah.
Sheldon: Boy, you chase one balloon for three miles.
Penny: We were worried about you.
Sheldon: Don't be melodramatic. I'm just getting on a train and leaving for ever.

Leonard: Seriously? You don't even have a change of clothes or a toothbrush.
Sheldon: My plan is to stop at malls and buy what I need. It's called living off the land.

Sheldon: So when will you reopen?
Stuart: I don't know. I'm waiting to hear back from the insurance company.
Sheldon: So tomorrow?

Sheldon: I'm helping you get back on your feet. I would like to purchase this comic book, please.
Stuart: It'll be $2.99.
Sheldon: Really? It's soaking wet.
Stuart: Fine, $1.

Amy: You know, this might work out for the best. You're always complaining about what a terrible roommate Leonard is. Like how he turns up the thermostat when you're not there.
Sheldon: Euck, it's like walking into the Amazon. And not the good Amazon with one-day shipping, the awful one with birds and snakes.

Amy: You hate the sound of all those keys on his keychain.
Sheldon: Four keys! Who does he think he is? A warden?

Amy: Maybe you'll like living alone.
Sheldon: Perhaps.
Amy: And if you don't, maybe you and I could live together.
Sheldon: Oh, sure! While we're at it, why don't we get engaged, too? Why don't we get a little house, start a family, enjoy our sunset years together? Do you hear yourself woman?!

Sheldon: And by the way, I saw you make this Strawberry Quik with syrup. You're supposed to use the powder.
Amy: It tastes the same.
Sheldon: No, the syrup tastes better and I don't like it.

Leonard: So, listen. There was something I was hoping to float past you. Now that Penny and I are engaged, I thought we might want to talk about our living arrangements.
Sheldon: Of course. She's spent many nights here, and you're worried about preserving the myth of her virginity before the wedding.
Leonard: I'm not.
Sheldon: Good. Because not only has that ship sailed, if it hit an iceberg countless men would perish.