Sheldon: How are those nipples feeling, chief?

Sheldon: First, talking to you while you're on the toilet isn't exactly a picnic for me either. Remember, when you can hear me, I can hear you.

Leonard: I did a bad thing.
Sheldon: Does it affect me?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Then suffer in silence.

Sheldon: Have you chosen one to copulate with?

Abby: Hey that's pretty cool, what is it?
Sheldon: It's a limited edition Green Lantern lantern. My friend is looking for someone to copulate with.
Abby: You're very funny. I'm Abby.

Sheldon: Well, if you're hoping to get in touch with Bill Nye, I can't help you. I have been informed he is now Bill Nye, the Restraining Order Guy.

Sheldon: As it happens, I'm also spending the day with a beloved children's science personality. Isn't that right, new friend and colleague Bill Nye, the Science Guy?
Sheldon: Sorry, I replaced you with a newer model.

Leonard: Mr. Nye, hello. I'm sorry he got you involved in this nonsense.
Bill Nye: He told me I'd be speaking to a class.
Sheldon: No, I said you were teaching someone a lesson.

Professor Proton: Sheldon, what are you doing here?
Sheldon: I'm sorry, did I wake you?
Professor Proton: Of course you woke me, it's seven thirty.

Sheldon: I would have been here sooner but for some reason your home isn't on this map of Hollywood stars.

Sheldon: And to think I idolized that man. And why? At the end of the day, he's just another Hollywood phoney.
Amy: Is it really worth getting upset about?
Sheldon: They say don't meet your heroes. Don't peek behind that curtain of fame and celebrity. Because if you do, you'll see them as they really are: degenerate carnival folk.

Amy: Come on, he's a retired kids show host.
Sheldon: That's even worse. Using the sweet candy of science to trick children into loving him. ... Pervert.

Amy: Have you ever wondered why Arthur didn't want you to read his paper?
Sheldon: Yes, I have. And my only conclusion is the prescription he was picking up the other day was for cuckoo pills.

Sheldon: Look, a new topical antihistamine with lidocaine. Wow! I can't wait 'til I get a rash.

Sheldon: The National Science Foundation wants to give me a substantial grant.
Raj: That's a big deal.
Sheldon: I know. When will this nightmare end?